Phorever Phillies

Charlie's Back

2007-10-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

Charlie Manuel got himself a nice 2 year extension with the Phillies, despite questionable game management.

To be sure, despite Manuel's inability to manage a bullpen, and some real questionable decisions in the postseason (Wes Helms STARTING at third base?), the players do seem to love playing for the guy, which ties into the whole statistics versus intangibles debate. One very tangible stat is Mr. Manuel's three winning seasons. However, it's also hard to argue that the Phillies couldn't have waited and at least placed a call to the soon-to-be-canned Joe Torre, who allegedly likes the way the Phillies run their ballclub.

With Manuel locked up early and penciled in as the skipper, the Phils can now look to signing free agents in the hope of bolstering the rotation and bullpen.

J.C. Romero has indicated he'd like to stay in Philly. A non-homegrown guy wants to pitch at Citizen's Bank? Sign this man! After last offseason held a lot of promise (Garcia) only to go bust, it will be interesting to see if the Phillies are making moves at the winter meetings.

And That's A Wrap

2007-10-09T11:10:00.001-05:00

The Phillies season is officially over after a brutal stomping by The Colorado Rockies. However, fret not: A lot of joy came out of this year.

Top Five Moments Of Phillies' 2007 Season:

5. Shane Pies: Anytime anyone was interviewed in a postgame after a big win, Shane Victorino was there to smash them with a shaving cream pie. No one, from Chase Utley to J.D. Durbin, was safe. This may have been the reason that when the Phillies were asked to name the least funny player on the team, many pointed out Shane Victorino.

4. Utley's Return: In true Mickey Mantle style, upon returning from a broken hand injury on August 27th, Chase Utley went three for five, including a home run. It certainly felt reassuring to have our best bat back in the lineup.

3. Unexpected Contributors: As is the case with most playoff teams, the Phillies received help from unlikely sources. The Phillies got big results from Jayson Werth, J.C. Romero, Tadahito Iguchi, and Pat Burrell, to name a few. It was great to see different players shine each night.

2. J-Roll's Season: You can go check out the numbers here, and regardless of whether or not he wins the NL MVP, Jimmy Rollins had an outstanding, record-breaking year at shortstop that was fun to watch right up to his last at-bat, in which he hit his twentieth triple. He was the catalyst of our offense, a smart baserunner, an outstanding defensive player, and a clubhouse leader. He also made one little comment that turned out to be quite true, which leads into the big number one.

1. Mets Collapse, Phils Triumph: With their postseason largely forgettable, the Phils may be left out of most of the remembrances of the epic Mets collapse of 2007. However, for Philadelphia fans, we'll remember the many great moments, including sweeps in Shea, the emergence of one bullpen as another collapses, and my personal favorite, the Phillies epic August 30th victory over the Mets to complete a four-game sweep, wherein Tadahito Iguchi scored the winning run and Gary Matthews officially lost his mind.

There you have it, the highlights of a season that should be looked back on in fondness, regardless of the postseason outcome.

Phillies Vs. Rockies: Game One

2007-10-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, the Phils make their first postseason appearance since game six on the 1993 world series, and they take on the beloved Colorado Rockies.

How can we expect the Phillies to fare in postseason play? Hard to say. A lot is made of the difference between the regular season and the postseason, and how different players perform differently under the circumstances. For an example, look no further than Trevor Hoffman's recent meltdown against the very same Rockies. However, most of the Phils' roster has yet to see the postseason, including the nucleus of the team (which I define as Hamels, Myers, Utley, Rollins, and Howard, homegrown Phillies, all).

The same can be said of the Colorado Rockies, where longtime vet Todd Helton makes his first ever postseason appearance. Expect a lot of nerves in the early inning of this first game: Both teams are likely eager to prove their legitimacy.

Another interesting element is the timing of the game at three o'clock. This could create some difficulty on the part of the hitters in seeing the ball. While this could work to Hamels' advantage, it could also work against the Philadelphia offense. People are expecting a high scoring series here, so we can't de surprised if it's a pitching struggle. Given this, you've got to take a close look at the two starters.

Cole Hamels: A pure strikeout pitcher, which is exactly what you want at Citizen's Bank Park. Unfortunately, the long ball has hurt Cole all season (he's given up twenty-five of them).

Jeff Francis: The Rockies' ace has a 4.22 ERA on the year, which is pretty good if you're a Rocky. Francis has also given up twenty-five home runs, albeit in approximately thirty more innings pitched. Francis is also less of a strikeout pitcher, and his K/BB ratio is 165/63 versus Cole's 177/43. These numbers are good, but the Phillies are rather exceptional at taking walks, with 641 of them (good for third in baseball).

Also of note is how well the Phils hit off of Francis in the few times they've seen him. Rollins is five for nine against him, Howard is two for five, and Burrell three for eight.

Contrasting, against Hamels, the Rockies have done nothing. This is in large part due to the fact that Cole has never pitched against the Rockies. This is bad news for Colorado. Traditionally, a pitcher always has the advantage the first time he sees a batter. While these guys can watch all the footage they'd like, they have yet to see Cole's impressive changeup baring down on them.

For this reason, the Phillies have a huge advantage in this game. Hopefully they can knock Francis out early and get to the bullpen quick, which won't have had much time to rest after the twelve inning Monday night marathon.

Go Phillies.

PHILLIES

2007-09-30T17:39:00.001-05:00

Nothing to really say at a time like this except job well done, and thank you. The Phillies are going to the playoffs. The Mets are going home. NL EAST CHAMPS. No words to describe it, just love.

Lohse Keeps Em Living

2007-09-26T22:47:00.000-05:00

The Phillies are still in the hunt for either the Wild Card or the division, as Lohse pitches some pretty good baseball to keep the Phillies in contention.

You hate to say it, because if it's not true, it hurts all the more, but it looks like the Phillies could make the playoffs this year. With their atrocious pitching, they may not head that deep into October baseball, but with the Mets failing, and quite honestly looking like they couldn't give less of a shit, it might be the Phils time.

Every game now is huge. It's as though the playoffs have already begun. John Smoltz, one of baseball's long standing veteran pitchers, goes against the young kid with composure, Kyle Kendrick.

With the loss, the Braves are out of contention, but that doesn't mean they're not going to try to stain out the Phillies. Despite recent memory, let us not forget that the Braves are our enemy just as much as the Mets.

Of the NL teams in contention, the Mets, Phillies, and Cubs are the only teams that end with a series against a team that's out of the race.

THE STRUGGLE and The Phillies

2007-09-24T11:29:00.001-05:00

Stain Club has hit some hard times lately in regards to updating. However, for those of you still with us, we are continuing on here, albeit the battle against "The Struggle" (our terminology for life in the real world) is certainly taking its toll.

We have of course been keeping up with The Philadelphia Phillies. I myself was down in Washington this weekend to see the boys do a pretty successful job against the Nats in their last series at RFK stadium (which, by the way, is a pretty sloppy place). At this point, a season does truly hang on the brink. It's do or die time for the Phillies. 4-2 MIGHT get the team in the playoffs, but 5-1 should. Three games against Atlanta (who for some reason still think they're a factor in the playoff hunt), and three against Colorado, all at home.

A couple of Phillies deserve special recognition: Jimmy Rollins, recently commended by Buster Olney in his blog, for being not only the team MVP, but also the league MVP, when all is said and done (it's possible). Also, Jayson Werth, who has played some outstading baseball, and without whom the Phillies would not be in the playoff hunt. And, J.C. Romero, given up on by a number of clubs, has found a home with the Phillies, and has pitched well whenever called upon, giving us at least one middle reliever Charlie Manuel can turn to in big situations.

Stick with us, as hopefully there will be more to come. I'll definitely be checking my preseason predictions to see how badly I bungled how the Phillies would fare (I cringe to think of our NL West matchups). As always, go Phillies.

While I'm thinking of it

2007-09-11T14:57:00.001-05:00

Who decided we need a warning tissue when the box is close to being empty? It's not the end of days if you can't blow your nose.

There's Some Brilliant Work Taking Place Out There

2007-09-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it's important to know that we, as a species, are learning more about how we interact with this crazy world of ours and all of the fun people in it, and that there's statistics to back it all up.

For example, here's a shocker: Men want to be with attractive women. Good stuff, right?

Here's another big one: Rock stars are more likely to live fast, die young. This article is full of insights like the following: Mark Bellis, leader of the study, said his research showed the stereotype of rock stars was true -- recreational drugs and alcohol-fueled parties take a toll.

So listen up, crack addicts! In addition to taking all your money and putting you on the streets, this stuff is, believe it or not, also bady for your body. Genius!

Now, The Onion frequently goes for this kind of humor, where they overanalyze something incredibly obvious. The problem is that this isn't The Onion. I assume these people doing said studies think they are going huge, and figuring out big things. Either that, or they really can't think of a better way to try to earn a buck. Can't say I fault them there, as we're still trying to get people to Pay Us to Live (and no, that's not exactly going so hot).

Perhaps I need to start a study. In building on a theory by S Club poster S.Q. Hagglepuss, the theory to be tested is that men from the Philadelphia area can never fully commit to a woman because they have already had their heart broken by so many sports teams. I will need 50,000 dollars and five supermodels willing to fall in love with me to test this theory (Gee, I guess that Men wanting hot women theory is right after all, huh?).

Speaking of Philadelphia sports, the Phillies still play baseball, and have succeeded and faltered since last we spoke of them. I attended the interference call game, and cheered as loudly as anyone for the big comeback game. Things have pretty much gone downhill since then.

Do You Believe in Magic?

2007-08-28T16:12:00.000-05:00

Bruce Springsteen is reuniting with the E Street Band to kick off a big tour to promote his new studio album, Magic. This is outstanding news, as Bruce promotes many of the prominent stain club philosophies, including going huge, and the big play action stick, terms which may only be familiar to the Stain Club faithful, but are up for explanation here.

Bruce Springsteen live shoes are like no other, as they are absolutely explosive in energy. Bruce also has one of the deeper cannons of songs to draw on in popular music, and he does so, drastically changing his set list every night.

I can only hope that when October 5th roles around (the night of his first of hopefully multiple shows in Philly) I will be basked in the concert glory, and also seeing Phillies postseason victory scores as well. That’s a lot to ask for, but hey, you gotta believe in magic.

The Phillies might be trying to catch some of that in a bottle, as they handily take game one from the Mets in Chase’s triumphant return to the roster. Imagine if Jayson Werth keeps clubbing the ball like he has been? There’s not a more dangerous offense in baseball (with the possible exception of the Yankees) with the additions of a potent Werth and Burrell to the Phillies.

Game Two tonight, with Eaton’s first start off the DL. A season still hangs on the brink. But hey, you gotta believe in magic.

Such a Sad Time Together

2007-08-24T12:46:00.000-05:00

In Jack Kerouac’s On the Road (now, as if from the Dead Sea itself, in scroll form), narrator Sal Paradise says “Boys and girls in America, they have such a sad time together.” The dude from the band The Hold Steady happens to agree with him. The Hold Steady are also incredible, given their penchant for going huge, albeit over such mundane things as underage drinking. In any case, reporting from the front of "boy-no-longer," I will say that being a kid is probably about the best thing life throws your way, because after that, it’s going to work. Work, while notable for taking the best part of your day, also makes it hard to post, as has been evidenced by our blogging team’s hardships with getting it done on a daily basis.

I believe Plumpy’s Ghost will speak more on this whole work thing (which we have affectionately dubbed “The Struggle”) at some later point.

Meanwhile, The Phillies are also having such a sad time together, as their bullpen has hit the wall. Butter Jose Mesa up, not because you think he’s good, but because he’s toast. Gordon ruined everything yesterday. Half the team is on the DL. I wouldn’t be surprised to read in the paper tomorrow that the Phanatic is out till late September with a strained quad muscle. And now, with no Cole and no Chase, we play two huge series against the Padres and Mets. This is big. A season is on the brink.

The Philadelphia faithful might still be having a hard time, be they boys and girls or men and women, but two strong series could make things a little easier.

It's About a Quarter to Dick

2007-08-20T20:04:00.000-05:00

If there's one figure in the sportscaster world I can't stand, it's Merril Hoge, the man who consistently picked against the Eagles during their magical run to the Super Bowl in 2004. He even went as far to say that by halftime of the Super Bowl, the Patriots would be up by 42 points to nil.

Anyways, during a segment promoting fantasy football brought to you by Larry Brown Sports, Hoge utters what can only be a textbook case of the Freudian slip. It sounds as if Merril is turning into a man's man who enjoys an occasional banger in the mouth.

Oh Merril, you blow hard!

To the Lighthouse

2007-08-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you’re the front man of a heavy metal band and you want a bite to eat? You say fuck that and you go hang out around a lighthouse with your band mates and play your instruments which are not plugged in. That’s how you go huge all over hunger.

By the way, someone’s been listening to my ramblings, as today I received the Chinese fortune cookie fortune “You will receive a large sum of money from an unlikely source.” See, that’s a fortune. And, I think it means that somebody is getting ready to start paying us to live. Don’t be shy. Someone’s gotta be the first. There’s worse ways to spend money.

In case you wanted to be furious...

2007-08-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

They have run out of Purple Hearts to give to injured soldiers.

I'm really not kidding. But I am dreaming, right? The world can't be this ironic. This administration can't be that baldly inept, can it?

Not only can they not get out of Iraq, they can't give a dinky medal to the people who are getting blown up as a result of their awfulness. Makes me sick.

Bonds, Balls, and Nonsensical Desire

2007-08-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

And now for a whole bunch of baseball/Phillies related nonsense, all for your reading pleasure.

What's frightening about this article that is supposedly satirizing Barry Bonds' record breaking homerun is that it doesn't really read as funny, but rather as bitter.

Anyways, you may have noticed that we've been having a hard time posting about the Phillies lately on Stain Club, but we're still watching and paying attention. And from the baseball season, here's the big things I want:

1. Chase Utley, Shane Victorino, and Michael Bourn, all back and healthy.
2. Jimmy Rollins to hit another 5 or so triples. He really is killing it this year.
3. Pat Burrell to relive July in the rest of August and in September.
4. The Mets to all collectively crawl into a hole somewhere.
5. The Braves, finding the Mets in their hole, wage war with the New York team.

If someone were to ask me point-blank if I thought the Phillies were going to make the playoffs, I would have to say no. Both the Mets and Braves are too good, and its too much to ask for both of them to fade, or one to fade and all the NL West teams to taper off as well. However, I want nothing more than to be proved wrong.

6. Phillies to make the playoffs.

Never having to say you're sorry is winning

2007-08-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

All the cleverness I had in regards to this article was used up in the post title. I suppose that's fitting as it is a rare piece of work that ties together baseball, The Duke, ninjas, and criticism of corporate news. Such high level bloggery is not easy to produce. I've been trying for weeks to discuss how scooters, vacation, and fall tie into a condemnation of our national political discourse. Unfortunately, there are still no breakthroughs. I will have to email this guy for advice.

It's Really Not Just About Dogs

2007-08-13T14:35:00.000-05:00

The Big Lead found a great piece by Terrence Moore of the Atlanta Journal Constitution critiques the argument of the plethora of Vick supporters who are advocating that he should not suffer any consequences over a "bunch of dogs," as Moore puts it. Such a blatantly simple and moronic stance overlooks the very fact that this prosecution is occurring because Ron Mexico broke the law, and apparently has been doing so at his residence for an absurd amount of time totaling to about 5 years.

Plumpy wrote a post on animal abuse a while back concerning Ladell's back-up and I would have to say that he couldn't agree more. No athlete should be above the law when it comes to such a serious offense, and sometimes our view of athletes on their respective fields of play, especially in this day and age, can make us forget that they are still human and are very much capable of horrendous actions and deeds.

Pitching in His Virtual Shoes

2007-08-13T12:41:00.000-05:00

Bugs and Cranks posted an interesting chronicle of the journey he took creating himself as a pitching prospect for The Show. I recall D. Page doing the same sort of thing when we resided in the same dorm room one spring semester that seems so long ago, although he did name his pitcher after the supposedly then-recently deceased 24 star, Tony Almeida.

I myself never took a liking to The Show as I have years of experience with both NCAA Football and Madden. The fact that you can now be a college prospect and transfer that player to the NFL is nothing short of dream as, yes, I wish I was big and athletic enough to be a tight end or middle linebacker. I do enjoy the finer aspects of the game as you can determine whether you want to be an unselfish leader who prides himself on putting the team first or a loud-mouth ass-face who exceeds expectations for his own personal glory.

B&C does make an interesing argument towards the end of his entry concerning the nature of sports and how there honestly is pressure to figure out what a player wants: to win or to be loyal. Sometimes these things can coincide, and other times, not so much.

Linebacker U in Buffalo

2007-08-12T21:19:00.000-05:00

One of our friends has been a Buffalo Bills fan his whole life and we constantly harass him for the ineptitude of the team's failure to win at least one of the four straight Super Bowls they were in. All of this is in obvious jest and used as a point of comparison and sports griping as the Eagles had a similar streak, albeit in the NFC Title games for three straight years.

As Penn State football fanatics, we were obviously interested in where the players who would be drafted this year would be going as they were part of our class of 2007. I was hoping that Paul Posluszny would fall to the Eagles in the draft and if the Eagles were smart, they would have done so and had the heir apparent to Jeremiah Trotter or the replacement to Dhani Jones who was eventually cut within a few weeks following the draft.

If there was one place I wished to see Poz go, it would be to Buffalo and they traded up to take him. They got a steal in my opinion as he should have been taken in the first round, but I'm sure plenty of organizations were hesitant due to his knee injury in the 2006 Orange Bowl and his "slow" start during his senior season (it should be noted that this was due to his move to the middle linebacking position as opposed to the weak/strong side. Offensive linemen were more keen to block him as the middle position is normally associated with stopping the run).

As you can see in this clip below, Paul is as fast as ever, if not faster than he was at Penn State. I would not even believe that he had ever injured his knee. Barring any sort of injury, I think it is safe to say that the Bills have locked up a star at the linebacking position and should reap the rewards of having such a unique, hard-working player for years to come.

Comics = Art

2007-08-07T12:15:00.001-05:00

An interesting debate took place over at the San Diego comic book convention over whether comic books should be perceived as literature/art. It's unfortunate that this medium has long suffered while other mediums have flourished and are now considered as artistic and worthy of analysis and critique, such as popular music and cinema. Still, it also must be said that comic books are not nearly as profitable as most other forms of entertainment.

I think it's likely that video games will be seen as art before comic books, despite the fact that video games been around for a significantly shorter period of time. This raises the interesting question of whether or not profits (and therefore, to a large degree, interest on the part of the general public) has a drastic effect on the speed at which a new entertainment medium becomes accepted as "art." And thinking about that makes my head hurt a little bit.

Terminator is Upon Us!

2007-08-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

No, the law hasn't been changed so Arnold can run for president. But, robots are entering combat duty in Iraq.

I think this is awesome. The best comment I read on the above link said something like "All those years of playing Doom finally can pay off." Think of if signing up for the draft essentially meant signing up to play Call of Duty: Iraq. Think of Ender's Game becoming a reality!

What's the worst that can happen? We have to fight robots for control of the Earth? That's not that bad. It's better than fighting other humans for control of the Earth. It's a much more black and white issue. Plus, you don't have to feel bad about destroying robots. It's probably easier to destroy a robot than it is to command a robot to destroy another person, right?

I give this, and any sort of Judgment Day scenarios that could result from it, an enthusiastic thumbs up!

Verily, we are baseball journalists

2007-08-02T13:24:00.000-05:00

The Cincinnati Post has a great deal of experience covering horrible Reds losses so, under normal circumstances, this article wouldn't warrant any mention on the Stain Club. However, I would like to direct your attention to the first paragraph, "Late in Wednesday's 7-2 loss to the Nationals, Reds pitching coach Dick Pole told interim manager Pete Mackanin that he could tell early that starter Bronson Arroyo just didn't have it."

It's only a matter of time until Cincy journalists start referencing Brandon Phillips propensity for going huge, Junior's injury stains, or Adam Dunn's desire to hit the BPAS on every 0-2 count. And you thought this was a Phillies blog.

A few good links

2007-08-01T12:04:00.000-05:00

Nothing says lunch break like a new Stain Club post. Here're a few articles of interest.

I've been saying this for years. While the writer neglects to refer to Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry as "Demo-bots," he still makes a great point.

First time I came across this argument was during a "This Week in God" skit on the Daily Show. They gave an amazing 3 minute run-down of every crazy thing that Scientologists believe, then at the end Jon Stewart deadpans something along the lines of, "Why can't they believe in something sensible like a burning bush that talks to people?" It was incredible. The audience needed an extra second to start laughing.

I know Hitchens is everywhere these days. Being the leader of the recent anti-theist wave of books, he is never far from a television interview. He has perfected the art of combining anger, eloquence, and intoxication. I'm shocked that the arrest surrounding the Quran desecration at Pace University hasn't received more coverage. This controversy is a remarkably simple one to solve. Was it his book? If so, no problem. If it's not then I'm sure there are any number of statutes he could be prosecuted under, theft and destruction of property come immediately to mind. Calling it a hate crime is ridiculous. The story of the boy who cried wolf comes immediately to mind. This guy wasn't burning a giant wooden crescent outside of a muslim's house. There's a difference of degree between those and hopefully everyone can see it is a large one. We, as a society are asking for trouble when we apply our laws so rigidly.

And for the purposes of a strong finish, here's a Malcolm Gladwell article about the rise of Zero Tolerance.

Whoops

2007-07-31T21:34:00.000-05:00

Much like a man falling from a scooter while on vacation (see my last post), Dick Cheney recently admitted that he was wrong. And while there's a part of me that wants to take my pound of flesh from him, I have to say I prefer when politicians admit their mistakes. He was wrong about that, and likely will be proven wrong about a number of other things in the near future. Despite that, I find a simple mea culpa (which Cheney didn't exactly give) to a, dare I say it, flip-flopping answer. It reminds me of the popular saying, "it's not the crime, it's the cover up." Between the Congress and the President, no one in America seems to like politicians. I can't say I blame us. And I could write rant on all my issues with American politics but I'll simply leave off by saying that I've already given up on the idea of a real statesman who is looking out for the good of the country. Now, I'm happy with any politician who is willing to say he may have been slightly mistaken about anything. Now that's disapproval.

Where's the love for J-Roll?

2007-07-30T16:25:00.001-05:00

Even in Philadelphia, I get to hear a lot about Jose Reyes. Dynamic player this and sparkplug to offense that. Blah blah blah. I can't deny he's a good player. I'd be an idiot to do that. I can certainly say that watching him leg out a triple isn't my favorite thing to watch in baseball these days (a paraphrase from Peter Gammons). Even if I did enjoy watching that, I'd only have had the pleasure of having seen it seven times this year so far. Who's got double the triples? None other than Philadelphia Philly Jimmy Rollins.

There's a lot of good shortstops in the NL, so getting overlooked is understandable. But which shortstop has the most runs in the NL? Which shortstop has the most total bases in the NL? I'm not talking about just SS's, I'm talking about over all players. The answer, of course, is our boy Jimmy.

Of course, you can throw Reyes stats at me as well. More stolen bases than whole other teams, and all that. But then, how many times has Reyes been caught stealing? Please compare that percentage to Jimmy's, and it's not nearly as impressive.

Of course, the biggest knock on Jimmy will always be his on-base percentage. It's not very good for a leadoff hitter, which is, admittedly, a huge stat for the starting guy of your offense. Jose Reyes currently holds a .376 obp, easily beating Jimmy's .339. But then, consider Rollins' .538 slugging vs. Reyes' .452, and things start to swing the other way. Also, Jimmy has a full 13 more homers than Reyes, and 23 more RBIs (most of that coming from the leadoff spot). Because of Rollins' ability to take the ball out of the park, he can be put in the three hole with Chase down. What are the chances of seeing Reyes bat third?

I'm not saying Jose is a bad player, or not as good as Jimmy. They approach batting slightly differently, with Jose relying more on speed and contact and Jimmy relying more on power. What I am saying is that I am a little tired of hearing about Reyes the wonder child, when Rollins is having an equally impressive (if not moreso) season.

Also, the Phils traded for Kyle Lohse. I'm excited to hear Plumpy's Ghost weigh in on this. I hope you are, too.

7.30 Link Dump

2007-07-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

Back by unpopular demand and my own streak of blog inactivity, the Link Dump has returned.

--The Iraq War Solution is being sold on eBay by a military specialist (It is very expensive, FYI).

--A little guide on how to build a successful blog (we should probably be taking tips from it ourselves).

--The actual paperwork for the Michael Vick indictment (courtesy of the Smoking Gun) as well as the possible legal ramifications for the Va. Tech alum, courtesy of Rumors and Rants.

--If you’re like me and don’t get HBO, you can at least see the trailer to Medillin, the fictional film by Vincent Chase on Entourage.

--Bugs and Cranks takes an interesting look at how certain baseball players who had the athletic ability to play another major sport (yes that even includes hockey)…their greatest two-sport-or-more athlete satiates my idea of such a player.

I Loved Watching Chaseball

2007-07-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

...and I hereby officially copyright the term "chaseball."

Anyway, apparently I won't be able to watch this beast monster of a baseball player continue his rampage for the next 15 days because some moron Nationals pitcher thought he had it.

My expert analysis - Howard will get angry and have an August performance that either matches or surpasses last year's, and he'll get the MVP again. Then he'll give it to Chase, just because he's such a nice guy.

One last thing. Did anyone else notice that Chase didn't even grab his hand until he got down to first? That's why he's a hero.

Scooters, vacation, fall

2007-07-26T13:13:00.000-05:00

The following post has absolutely nothing to do with the title. They are the examples Blogger gives you everytime you endeavor to label your post. When I post on the Stain Club, I constantly think about the tantalizing prospect of blogs entirely devoted to scooters, vacation (it is likely that these actually exist), and fall. Perhaps somewhere there is a blog featuring pictures of people falling off of scooters while on vacation. I hope so.

At the risk of radically shifting gears, here are a few links to lesser known blogs that are worthy of your attention. The first, Spontaneous Order is written by my Dutch roommate (who unfortunately moved out recently). If you ever find yourself wondering what an anti-Europe Republitarian (in contrast to the Liberaltarian I have posted about before) Dutch guy is thinking, look no further.

Next up, we have another blog, which I contribute to, entitled Strangely Topical. About a third of the links I post on Stain Club come from the guy who started ST, so now you can see the same links twice. Repetitive content is the key to a successful day at the office. One thing I can promise you is that both blogs will see a remarkable increase in scooter related posts in the near future. I can tell you're excited.

10,000: One More Go Around

2007-07-23T18:05:00.000-05:00

Writer's Note: This will be the third post regarding the Phillies 10,000th loss. As Plumpy is a Reds fan and Snacksy is on his knees praying for some sort of miracle from the Job Gods one of these days, I cannot forsee anyone else on Stain Club posting their thoughts on this momentus occasion. Thank you, loyal reader, and stain on.

Hey you bastards! I’m still here!!
--Papillon

The above quotation is from the 1973 film, Papillon, starring Steve McQueen as the title character, a felon who continuously escapes from prison only to be re-captured every time he thinks he is completely free. He utters the above lines upon escaping from Devil’s Island as he floats in an inner tube in the middle of the ocean right before the credits start to roll.

Movie watchers who have seen this film (I highly recommend it by the way as McQueen plays his usual endearing tough guy while Dustin Hoffman plays his nervous foil) can identify with Papillon’s perseverance. His desire to escape is inspiring as he survives experiences of mental and physical anguish, including two stints of solitary confinement of two and five years, and still continues to forge ahead with his plans of escaping to freedom.

This type of perseverance is what I see in Phillies fans. The ball finally dropped on the ten-thousandth loss last week, and yet, we still come back for more. Plumpy can try to characterize this event as our annual tears event, but alas, the real waterworks are reserved for the yearly wild car collapse.

In my eyes, this “milestone” is a mere drop of water in the river of defeat. Losing has been, and obviously still is, an unfortunate, yet defining attribute of the Phillies franchise. It can be attributed to a lack of talent (especially in the pitching department more so in the past few years), injuries (Gregg Jeffries, Danny Tartabull, Andy Ashby to name a few) and terrible management (both in the dugout—i.e. Doc Prothro and Jimmie Wilson, and in the front office—Ed Wade still haunts the present team with his no-trade claise on Pat Burrell and his selection of Uncle Charlie over Jim Leyland AND giving away draft picks for over the hill veterans such as Jon Lieber, thus setting our farm system back several years, but that’s a story for another time). More often than not, it is a combination of the three aforementioned items. For a franchise that has existed since 1883, the Phillies have managed only 9 playoff appearance, 5 pennants, and a whopping one World Series championship.

What should come as no surprise, then, is that with so few post-season appearances, there have been seasons where not only have they lost, but they were essentially the embarrassment of the league. They not only have had 14 seasons of 100+ losses, BUT 22 90+ loss seasons (note: the 90 loss seasons are comprised of seasons where they lost between 90 and 99 games, but not 100 games). Then there is the flip side of 2 seasons of 100+ wins and 9 seasons of 90+ wins, the last one which was in the glorious year of 1993. I admit that winning 100 games or more is hard on a consistent basis, but the fact that there are so many more 100 loss seasons is down right disgusting. In fact, the years from 1936-1941 represent a ridiculous stretch of stain that does the very word proud.

These stats are clearly laughable, but it is also indicative that you don’t have to be Stephen Hawking to understand that with such a high rate of losing over the course of their existence, the Fightin’s would be the first to reach this nice high, round number. It was mentioned at the end of last season and the beginning of this one, and much of the media took notice of it as the Phils inched ever closer to that “magical” number. I have to attribute the coverage of it to the fact that in these dog days of summer, there are absolutely no stories regarding any other sport. And with baseball still stuck in mid-season gear, the media is grasping at straws.

Honestly, I could care less about this historic first. I didn’t have time to watch the game as I was recovering from a long weekend of Stain that was Arts Fest and had to be home in time to be ready to tackle the work week on Monday. If this 10,000th loss had occurred at a more significant time, I admit then that it would have been the proverbial salt on the wound or the double-edged sword. In an imaginary, disturbing dimension of the universe, I could certainly see the Fightin’s “milestone” loss coming on the day that if they had won the final game of the regular season and would have catapulted themselves into the playoffs, then yes, pick your cliché for that moment and I will confess I’d be a bit more hurt (While we’re on the topic of disturbing dimensions, it would be interesting to see all of the top worst moment from each Philly sports organization occur in the same day and see if any fans would throw themselves off the new SEPTA building…again, a topic for another time). I must say, however, I, and the rest of the Philly faithful, have experienced more devastating losses (SQ and D. Page are sure to remember my reaction to the Eagles third NFC championship loss in 2004).

And yet, with every such loss like that, fans begin to earn their stripes and build up thick skin, and only let the big losses get to them. Moreover, they begin to lie in wait and learn to relish in the sweet, sweet taste of victory. And we want that victory, that euphoria so much so that it pushes the fans to their rabid breaking point of booing every single, tiny mistake that any one of our teams makes in the same manner an overbearing parent pushes his child to be the best. Obviously, this is not the best manner to raise a child or root, root, root for the home team. We have run numerous players out of town because they have never measured up to our expectations (Scott Rolen), or the organization, usually the Phillies, cannot hold on to players (again, Scott Rolen) because losing was way too prevalent. Some athletes, though, have embraced this M.O. of the fan base (Chase Utley, Brian Dawkins), and realize we just hunger for one thing from one of our sports teams: a championship.

Which brings me to the number that is more important than 10,000: 24—as in 24 years since one of our four major sports teams lifted any sort of championship hardware in glorious victory; 24 years since a championship parade marched down Broad Street; 24 years since a fan base has stuck with its teams, but have yet to be rewarded for their undying and supremely loyal support. You can call us rowdy, classless, idiotic, but we want it just as much as any other fan because it hasn’t happened in so long. I dare anyone out there to live in a city where there are four major sports teams as a passionate sports fan and not have any championships to show for it (I believe Minnesota is behind us by 3 years or so). Trust me: you too would go crazy like the die-hard fans here in the City of Brotherly Love.

But we're still here, you bastards! And we're not gonna be satisfied until we see one of our teams marching some hardware down Broad Street. Trust me...it will be a sight to behold.

P.S. As my birthday is tomorrow, I would like to share with you a story that shows some good can come from a Phillies loss. When the Phils were in the World Series against the Orioles back in 1983, they dropped Game 2 and every game thereafter. But on the night of Game 2, October 12, my Dad told me that Phils pitcher Charles Hudson had such a shaky game that, well, he played his own version of baseball with my Mom that night. Thus, I was conceived (I shit you not) unto this world because of Phillies loss (ironically this loss does not count in the 10,000+ as it was a post-season game) and stand as living and stainy-oh-so-stainy proof that there is a silver lining in the storm cloud.

A Few Good Links

2007-07-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

In terms of the often polarizing debate on US foreign relations I rather like what this guy is saying. It is unfortunate that such thoughtful and moderate views are often lost in the media cacophony.

Bill Kristol is a hack. The sun will come out tomorrow. I'm sure you can think of other factual statements to add to that short list. Also, on page 3, you'll find that Stain Club's favored son, Keith Olbermann, will be moderating one of the Democratic debates. I love Olbermann for his rants and raves, but he's the wrong guy to host this sort of event. I would not be happy if Bill O'Reilly was in charge of a Republican debate and I think we can all agree on that.

Bill Simmons writes a good one about the NBA. I generally don't care about it, but I remember once upon a time we had the Big Four in sports. That number seems to be dropping rapidly.

Another stupid running back decided to open his idiot mouth and chime in on an ongoing investigation. According to dearest Emmitt, Vick's alleged participation in dogfighting, "Now, granted he might have been to a dogfight a time or two, maybe five times, maybe 20 times, may have bet some money" isn't relevant because "he's not the one you're after. He's not the one you're after, he's just the one whose going to take the fall -- publicly." Thanks Emmitt. I'm glad you're there to let us know that we should ignore the laws banning this sort of deplorable activity to let us know that somehow Vick isn't at fault. Are football agents around the country frantically calling their clients in an effort to teach them to say, "Dogfighting is a cruel and terrible crime, but..." before defending Vick? Apparently they need to. Right now Emmitt and Ladell Betts' backup are worse in my book than Vick. He is still innocent until proven guilty. These morons, on the other hand, don't think anything bad happened and that's despicable.

Edit: This one didn't make the original post, but all of us baseball loving Stain Clubbers would have been remiss not to include it. It's a fitting tribute to Hank Aaron, a man whose accomplishments in the face of adversity will be remembered as much more than a long held home run record

Also my apologies for all the Washington Post articles today.

The Weekend that Wasn't

2007-07-23T08:33:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those weekends that didn't happen? You wake up on Monday and realize that, really, nothing much happened. I get that a lot now that I live in the "real world." In college, you could stretch your weekend into 3, 4, even 5 days with no consequences. I don't know why I never did that.

On Friday: I had an ultimate game, then wandered around 18th St. (where a huge number of bars are) so I could watch all the drunk people and inevitable fights.

On Saturday: I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. All 784 pages. While very satisfying, I can't say this furthered any of my larger ambitions in life. Also I've noticed that it is immensely difficult to talk to fellow Potter fans until they complete the book. They are very nervous around me, knowing that I hold the secrets to how it all ends.

On Sunday: If you're not a Potter person, this was the only day I had anything. After going huge on grocery shopping, I played a little softball, and then watched a movie. After such a wild and crazy weekend, I went to bed sometime before 8pm. Ostensibly, I was taking a nap, but we all know how that works.

Now I'm back at work, and I'm left wondering what happened to my weekend. Does this happen to anyone else or is it just me?

The Deathly Hallows

2007-07-20T15:17:00.000-05:00

With Harry Potter Day just under 8 hours away, I wanted to take a moment and address the growing Potter-mania. Soon, bookstores everywhere will be swarmed by idiots dressing up as wizards. I'm all for children doing this, but if you're 28 and still live in your parents' basement, maybe you have better things to do (Just saying). But, I must keep my introductory rambles to a minimum as the rest of the post is a big ridiculous ramble anyways.

First things first, Snape is evil. I'm convinced. Harry is convinced. Oh yeah, he killed Dumbledore too. Can't forget to add that to the list. And in HP4 Voldemort listed 3 missing Death Eaters, saying one had left him forever, one was too cowardly to return, and one had already returned and would be rewarded above all others. The first was Karakoff who dies in HP6, the second is Crouch who impersonated Mad-Eye Moody was killed by the Dementors after incessantly questioning Harry about what Voldemort thought of him, and finally we come to Snape.

There has been much talk online about Snape's redemption and possible sacrifice to save Harry at the cost of his own life. I don't buy it. The two main explanations driving that theory are a sudden change of heart or the idea that Dumbledore planned or at least knew what would happen to him at the end of HP6. I think both of these theories are ridiculous.

Why would Snape cold-heartedly kill Dumbledore who trusted him and offered a second chance when no one else would and then spare Harry whom he has actively sabotaged over the course of 6 books. It just doesn't fly. While it is loosely possible that Dumbledore schemed up his own death to cause a chain of events leading to Voldemort's defeat, it would be a terrible ending. This has not been a series of books about Dumbledore's brilliance, but about Harry's heart. The book has been foreshadowing the magic of self-sacrificing love as the ultimate weapon against Voldemort since day 1. The idea that Dumbledore planned his death or knew about it to spur Snape's eventual change of heart is ludicrous and would undercut all of Harry's significance.

The real magic of the Harry Potter books has come from their clever plot turns and almost perfect pacing. It rarely strays from the well-worn track of Good vs. Evil. I find that simplicity refreshing. Moral ambiguity and inner turmoil is not a prerequisite of a great story. Good beats Evil. Love beats Hate. Everyone leaves satisfied. If you are determined to try and draw deeper meaning, you may wind up disappointed. Most of Harry's previous battles against Voldemort have been won against all odds when a deus ex machina appears to save the day. Quirrell/Voldemort can't touch Harry, Fawkes delivers Gryffindor's sword, Hermoine has a Time-Turner, Priori Incantatem allows Harry to escape, Dumbledore swoops in to drive off Voldemort. These are all very satisfying, but none of them will leave you lost in thought. I know that if Harry drops the BPAS on Voldemort armed only with his heart and the love of his friends, I'll walk away highly satisfied with the ending.

Here are some predictions:

Neville Longbottom finally cashes in on his potential. Every book has made sure to give us a glimpse of Neville's inner strength and his significance was further strengthened by the prophecy at the end of HP5.

Snape is evil. See above.

Sirius and Dumbledore stay dead. However, Dumbledore's portrait could get huge.

Percy Weasley finally figures it out. Some have theorized that Percy will "turn to the dark side" because of his rigid character and obsession with getting ahead. If he does join the Death Eaters at some point, I believe he'll renege later.

Harry has it out with the Ministry one last time. The Ministry has stood in way constantly throughout the series and will likely do so again.

Lastly... All the Weasley's are evil. They're all Gingers: red hair, freckles, light skin. Why isn't this being discussed more. Has Cartman taught us nothing? They have Gingervitis and therefore no souls. Sad, but true. It's possible that they have been the power behind Voldemort all along.

I think its highly likely that HP7 will end with a Devil's Advocate style plot twist where Ron attempts to persuade Harry to get with Ginny (who has already been turned into an Inferius) so that the Anti-Christ can rise again. Harry will foil this plan by killing himself with an Avada Kedavra to the temple. You heard it here first.

More 10,000 Life

2007-07-19T12:04:00.000-05:00

It's a little embarassing that I have yet to talk about the Phils' 10,000th loss. My reasons are two-fold: First, I've been getting rocked down at work pretty hard (stay in school, kids). And the second is that I'm not exactly sure how I feel about big 10,000. Yeah, it's a little embarassing, and yet strangely a mark of pride at the same time. And yes, mostly everyone else that's talked about this has admitted they feel the same way. So, unfortunately, I have little to add to the 10,000 conversation.

In other news, Chase Utley is a monster. How many times have two players from the same team won back to back MVPs? That's the type of season this guy is having.

According to several sources, the Phillies are buyers at the trade deadline. Don't know what we can do here. Our only leverage is Aaron Rowand. Trading Bourn or Victorino is pretty much unacceptable. This team might be "built to win" right now, but the fact is, with our pitching, we can't win. The sad thing is the lack of an assist coming from the minor leagues. More important than the 10,000 loss issue is this: How many more losses until the Phillies are back in October?

10,000

2007-07-17T15:25:00.000-05:00

It's almost obligatory to comment on this milestone, although a friend of mine pointed out that no one would even know about it if ESPN and the Inquirer sports page didn't need something to talk about. That said, I will now fulfill my obligation by rambling about what it means to this one fan.

A girl once asked me why I didn't have a girlfriend, and I responded (only slightly sarcastically) that my emotional reserves were so drained, my heart so worn out, from being a Philadelphia sports fan that I no longer retained the ability to invest myself emotionally in a relationship with any girl. This may sound sad, but there's a glimmer of pride at the bottom.

10,000 is a ridiculously huge number. If I was less lazy I would go look up how many of those loses have occurred since my birth, but the answer would be, "too many," and I would have wasted my precious time. It doesn't truly matter anyway, since there's no number of losses that could make me quit on them. I'll be a fan for life, and there's really nothing I could do to change that, even if I wanted to. I know a great number of people for whom this is also the case, and while it sometimes makes us feel like battered wives who keep thinking "maybe he would change if I just loved him enough," the truth is (for me at least) that our perseverance as fans is a great source of strength and even comfort.

Call me crazy, but it's a lot easier trying to find my way in the big bad world knowing that I will always have our teams to elate, devastate, distract, infuriate, and entertain me, no matter what happens in the future with war and politics, or my career and marriage.

All that 10,000 means is that our team happened to surpass a highly dubious milestone during our lifetimes. It's a little upsetting to have it all over ESPN and everything, but only because of the universal principle that you can constantly ridicule your friends viciously but still want to fight anyone who dares to slightly disrespect them. It gets maddening when it seems like the front office is trying their best to win the race to 20,000, but it's also a testament to our history, our tradition, our city, and our commitment as fans.

Any girl who broke your heart 10,000 times, or even just once a year as far back as you can remember, would have obviously been quit upon long ago. When it comes to these red striped stains, however, we're stuck with them for life, so we may as well say, "Fuck it, Go Phils."

Iraq Happenings

2007-07-17T14:57:00.000-05:00

So Maliki says we can leave. Let's recap shall we? No WMDs, Saddam is dead, they have a government (or they will again in September, ha), American soldiers have been killed by Iraqi soldiers we trained and armed, and now the Prime Minister says we can mosey on out and they'll be just fine. Oh yeah, and the war is less popular at home than Vietnam. So... do I really need to ask once again why we're there?

I feel like Bush says, "we'll leave when we reach the end zone," and then every time we get to the 5-yard line he just has someone come by and paint a big zero next to it and we're back at midfield again.

Here's a little bonus link just in case you weren't furious enough today. Apparently the Pentagon refused to buy vehicles that could withstand mines, and the decision cost an estimated 621 Americans their lives. Where the hell is that 12 billion a month going, anyway?

The BPAS as applied to things that are actually important

2007-07-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

As frequently as we apply the BPAS to baseball, dating, holding out for 10 more seconds during a keg stand, and of course getting through another day at work, we sometimes forget that people are pushing down hard on the BPAS to do truly heroic acts. Such individuals are showered with awards expressing humanity's appreciation for their efforts. Currently 5 people have laid claim to the impressive trifecta of the Congressional Gold Medal, Nobel Peace Prize and Presidential Medal of Freedom. The first 4 holders of the trifecta are undoubtedly well known to our reader, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Elie Wiesel and Nelson Mandela, and most (excluding Christopher Hitchens) believe they are deserving of every line of praise written about them. However, I'd like to challenge our reader to come up with the 5th name. If you can pull that one off, dearest reader, I will be hugely impressed. If you can't come up with it. Click the link and find out. Like me, I bet you'll be wondering how you never heard of this guy before.

Recruiting efforts

2007-07-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

In an effort to drum up more daily readership, I'm going to start posting more links and less commentary. During my meandering work day I churn through a lot of good links and now you can too.

S.Q., a dedicated crusader for the english language, would greatly enjoy this one.

Ever feel like you're liberal but the cold logic of economics still appeals to you? If so, join the Liberaltarians. (I came up with this term independently before reading this article and googled it just in case I had a wholly original idea. Alas I did not.)

Reason #124381537891 that Andy Dick sucks and still isn't funny.

African columnist drops bombs on attention seeking celebrity humanitarians.

A dialogue between one of my favorite authors (Malcolm Gladwell) and another author (James Surowiecki) whose book is on my short list to read. Exceedingly interesting and thought-provoking.

I may have been sucking on the blogging front, but I am reading a fictional book about blogging, Boomsday by Christopher Buckley, and to be slightly more honest, the Stain Club was thoroughly stained (read as drunk) over Arts Fest weekend. When it came to posting... we didn't have it.

Oh yes, a certain milestone that starts with a 1 and ends with 0000 was reached recently and the Stain Club has been oddly silent on the topic. I think the annual tears of Philly fans everywhere speak louder to this issue than the strongest written word.

Olbermann Strikes Again!

2007-07-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

Once again, Keith Olbermann has a ginormous (look that word up in Webster's this fall as it's been added as a new word) balls as he calls out our President for a second time. If you missed it the first time, please feel free to check it out here. I will leave Keith to do the talking as this rant has only one man (well one administration, but Mr. Bush is certainly the central target) on his mind and he does not approve of the actions (most recently the pardon of Mr. Libby, and for our reader out there who is short on memory, I wrote up on the possible pardon of Libby here) of this administration or our President so much that the most appropriate action for the sake of this nation, with so much damage that has been done in during this presidency, is for the el Presidente and Vice el Presidente to resign and spare this republic for which it stands from any more harm. I couldn't agree more.

P.S. Major bonus points for Keith as he embraces Stain Club by using "stain" not once, not twice, but thrice within the first two and a half minutes.

Some Iraq Stuff

2007-07-12T15:30:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've posted about Iraq, but my colleague wrote a very moving post about it just the other day.

Since it has been so long, here are a few things. First, a soldier who is fighting his fifth tour of duty. Besides the whole danger of death thing, he'll probably lose his house and have all sorts of job trouble if he goes. Can't get enough of that old compassionate conservatism.

Although, I must say I do think five is a good number, because it's the maximum number of times you can play Russian roulette on the same spin without definitely dying, so I say send em back Georgie. Who cares that you couldn't even be bothered with one tour in Vietnam. Also, five just happens to be the exact number of deferments that Dark Side Dick Cheney received. How appropriate.

Second, our reader will know that I'm always looking for fun new metaphors for the war, and I read this one today. I think it sums up this moron's tactics perfectly:

Bush is like a superintendent with a large toolbox containing only a hammer. When he fails to solve a problem that cannot be fixed with a hammer, he either demands to know how anybody could suggest it's not the finest hammer ever manufactured, or he tries to obscure the view so only the nails are visible.

Let's put out a fire with gasoline. If that doesn't work, it's either faulty gasoline or it's a fire that only burns things in a good way.

Quick Stains: July 10th

2007-07-10T12:57:00.000-05:00

Well, Howard didn't have a lot in the HR derby, which I failed to watch, as I have just moved in to a new place and our HD channels only deliver a digital signal, and we currently have an analog box. No ESPN can be tough. Moving is also tough. It basically makes you never want to have to move again. It's the little things that really stain you out. Also, you basically have to spend an entire day thrusting on the BPAS, and that can really sap a man's strength.

Also, I want everyone to know that YOU (yes, you) can write for Stain Club. Yes, I know you're all chomping at the bit. All you have to do is add your comment to a post, and your witty thoughts and half-cocked theories about anything will be laid bare for our reader. You know you want to, so go ahead.

Also, after the All-Star game, baseball's main focus will be the trade deadline. Rumors will be flying. Are the Phillies buyers or sellers? Is the fact that our record is better right now than it was at the last All Star break something to feel good about? Who's coming back from the DL? All sorts of fun is to be had in the coming weeks.

So, write some comments, and maybe someday someone will pay you as much to live as they pay me for the same thing (which, by the way, is nothing).

Following up

2007-07-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of days now and I figured I would post a follow up about Tony. I imagine most of my hometown has heard about it at this point and the news coverage is starting to roll in. Growing up in a small town you really get a sense of how connected you are with people, even if you don't count them among your close friends. I only hope I don't have another reason to write about this in the future.

Dr. Faustus meets the Marvel Universe

2007-07-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

Our longtime reader will recall that comic books hold a special place in the heart of several Stain Club wrtiers, even when discussing sports. And, it is my firm belief that the Comic Book industry has recently experienced a bit of a renaissance, with both of the big publishers (Marvel and DC) putting out consistently high quality material.

My personal favorite group of comic book heroes are the Uncanny X-men, who I reported on previously for those looking for a doorway into comics.

Now, the X-books (as the group of X-Men comics are oftentimes collectively called) are publishing a 17 part story running through the back of the primary X-men titles titled "Endangered Species." The story focuses on the scientist X-men Beast (pictured here) as he searches for a way to cure the fact that mutants are dying out, and in fact number less than two thousand after recent events in the Marvel Universe (it's a long story, trust me).

In the first part of this story, Beast asks for help from several unlikely sources, notably prominent thinkers and scientists in the superhero community. It has yet to be revealed whether Beast's Faustian deal will pay off, but it did get me thinking about the character in general. The X-Man Beast is a scientist before a superhero, but always before he has chosen morality over science in his experiments and efforts. Still, a character called "Dark Beast" (pictured above) from an alternate world (hey, it's comic books, you just gotta roll with these things) was a near Dr. Mengele in his experiments on humans and mutants. (For a wonderful encounter between the two Beasts, and a bonus allusion to Edgar Allen Poe, check here.) It makes you wonder how far the real Beast would actually go in a quest for knowledge.

So, while I am excited to see how the story pans out, I do not think we've seen Beast struggling enough with this issue in the months leading up to it. Part of the problem with this may be that Beast is a part of the Astonishing X-Men team, who spend a lot of time out in space, and ignore the goings-on in the other X-Men comics. Long ago, when Beast was trying to cure the Legacy Virus, he was at wits end trying to solve the problem, and I felt that it was tackled sufficiently in many X-Men comic books (including the issue of X-Men Unlimited referenced above), and when the sacrifice of a mutant life became the only means of releasing Beast's cure, he was ready to, at least temporarily shelve the project (as is detailed here. UncannyX-Men.net is a beautiful site, by the way. God bless 'em.)

The question for me is not how far will Beast go, as the answer is likely however far Mike Carey (the story's writer) needs him to tell a good story. I'm more interested in how Beast has progressed to this point. Some hint of his frustration is given in the Endangered Species one-shot comic book, but it's not enough. Has Beast's own decreasing connection with humanity led him to a desperate attempt to save mutants? I understand that science is largely his drive, but what propels him to find the cure beyond that?

Dear reader, expect more comic-related fun posts in the neat future.

And, on a seperate note on the site in general, we're going to be trying to branch out here at Stain Club. I realize it's almost ludicrous to see a serious post about Iraq followed by one about comic books, but as you can tell, our writers are interested in a multitude of things. I'm tempted to ask what the best approach to solving this is (creating seperate links for Comic Books, Phillies, Politics, etc.? similar to what we have now, but more in-depth) but I'm frightened that no one would respond, and that would be quite sad.

Days Gone By

2007-07-05T21:19:00.000-05:00

There's been a real summer lull here at the Stain Club. All of our usual topics are floundering (phloundering in the Phillies case) and in July, most everyone is more worried about staying out of the oppressive summer heat. One topic that has been particularly neglected is the War in Iraq.

I always shied away from the discussion for a lot of reasons, first and foremost though, was that it's much easier to crack jokes about baseball and comic books than it is to grapple with life and death. Like many Americans, I don't subscribe to S.Q.'s laudable rule that "not a day goes by" for him without his thoughts turning to Iraq. Despite reading the paper everyday, the news often goes in one ear and out the other. I don't think I'm alone when I say that. Pundits and politicians inundate us with opinions, often largely unfounded, disguised as fact. They offer us prediction after prediction about a war that has already defied countless predictions. Slowly but surely, the deluge chipped away at my will to care. Every scrap of ignorance I could find was bliss. Every day that went by was another that I could try forget how 100 turned into 1000 and kept climbing.

Before the war began, I was against it. Everything I heard or read screamed poor management. The reasons for war were sketchy at best, and anyone who questioned the war could look forward to having their love of America questioned. Sensing its inevitability, I clung to a small silver lining; Saddam Hussein was a tyrannical dictator, and the world would be better without him.

It was a small consolation at the time, and it has diminished considerably over the past 4+ years. Worst of all, as the war drags on, I only become more torn about whether we should stay.

Armed with hindsight, most of America believes we never should have gone. And we are rightfully weary of the empty promises claiming that the insurgency is in its last throes. It has become nearly impossible to believe the "Surge" is any different. I am terrified that in September, General Petraeus will testify before Congress and outline a new plan for a "Thrust." However, no one seems able to credibly answer the question of what will happen when we leave.

With the changing political climates, a major withdrawal seems increasingly likely. Despite the changing political winds, I am still deeply skeptical of the vague solutions delivered by opportunistic politicians. Although getting our troops home safe would be an amazing relief for countless families across the country, I cannot stop wondering what will happen to the Iraqis. If history is any guide, the war will not end when we withdraw. And if the plans for a major redeployment in March 2008 go through, I will be exactly where I was 5 years before... Desperately hoping I am wrong.

Right now it's 11:50pm, and until an hour ago, I had not thought about the war. I was busy dreading another mindless day at the office when a friend from high school called to tell me a friend we both knew died in Iraq.

I was stunned. I think I still am. People from my hometown don't die. They just fade away when you move out and get on with your life. I hadn't seen or, in all honesty, thought about Tony in a few years. But we hung out in high school occasionally and he was a nice guy who I considered a friend.

I wish I had something poignant to end with, but I don't. My thoughts keep turning to how little I appreciated the luxury of having days go by without thinking about the war. Intellectually, I knew all the details, but deep down it was something happening somewhere far away to someone else. Perhaps tomorrow I will have something clearer to say, but I'll wrap up with the most important point.

Tony was not someone else.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for July 5th

2007-07-05T12:42:00.000-05:00

A notice to umpires: The Phillies are good enough at losing games on their own, they really don't need your help.

For those that don't know of which I speak, I'm referring to the July 3rd debacle where Carlos Lee was called safe at first base on what should have been the end of a baseball game, but instead was the beginning of an extra innings win by the Astros. Replays, of course, showed that Carlos Lee was out by a foot.

So, anyone who's up for starting the argument on replay footage for the umps in baseball, you now have another piece of mounting evidence, and also a much firmer believer in myself, for whatever good that does for you.

The next day, the Phils pounded on the Astros to avoid getting swept. It goes to show that all the runs came in a game the Phils won handily behind Cole Hamels, who was pulled too early, especially given the over-reliance on our bullpen since the Mets series.

We also march closer to loss 10,000, a historic moment for the Phillies and for Major League Baseball.

This Is Absurd

2007-07-05T09:23:00.000-05:00

I realize we are supposed to frown upon every sort of violence there is in the world, but I am not for changing the lyrics of a traditional song of my college alma mater based on one student-athlete round of fistacuffs. Changing the words of a fight song will not soften the image of any school. The song and its lyrics are meant purely in a sport sense as no one out on the field is trying to kill the opposing team. Yes, there is fighting, but it is to win, not to necessarily hurt (it happens every once and awhile, but it is normally never intentional--it is just a risk of playing the game).

I for one will not be singing these new lyrics, especially if they are shown on the big screen at football games. I think Plumpy would agree.

Update, 1:19 PM -- After checking back on the site where I found this blurb, it was indeed a hoax. Fight on, State!

Quick Stains: Tears for Independence Day

2007-07-03T13:58:00.001-05:00

Well, the Phillies got rocked down by the Mets hard (losing 3 of 4) and then proceeded to get beaten by the Astros last night. What's going wrong? Well, pitching, obviously.

During the Saturday struggle against the Mets, a particular low point was when they showed Philadelphia pitching stats, and just how many categories we rank last in. It's amazing we're not getting beaten more often than we are, but that goes to show just how successful our offense has produced. Sure, Helms and Barajas are busts, and Burrell has been atrocious, but the emergence of Victorino and Rowand, as well as Greg Dobbs, has more than compensated for this. The fact is, our starting pitching, ranked as one of our great strengths at season's beginning (at least, by me it was) has turned into a giant mess. We know the names of who's on the DL, so there's no need to repeat them, but even more depressing is the shallowness of our minor leagues. At this point, I'd say it's time to start selling off some people and netting ourselves some prospects. Hamels and Moyer cannot pitch every game, and Myers (when he returns) cannot save a beleaguered bullpen by himself.

When I say trading people off, who do I mean? Well, sadly, Aaron Rowand, for one. Yes, I realize he's a star player, an All-Star even, but his trade value is probably as high as its ever going to be after his wonderful first half, and I haven't heard any news about re-signing him after this year. If we can't resign him, let's move him. I love the guy, but this is looking less and less like our year, and it's time to build up the farm system.

Who else can we move? There's no interest in Burrell. None. We've got two more rather expensive years of Adam Eaton, who's pitching like a solid starter, but a solid number five starter, and nothing better, so he won't move. Victorino should take over for Rowand in the outfield, so he's gotta stay, despite all the calls the front office has received about him.

Unfortunately, the Phils do not have an excess of anything other than outfielders. Our lineup is good, but sacrificing one key player would destroy us. Can you imagine taking the field with Happ or Durbin headed to the mound and no Chase or Jimmy? It would be morally offensive. I see Rowand as the only player we could move that would get us good value. If Lieber was healthy, I'd say ship him to a contender, but he's not, and he wasn't pitching very well when he was. Garcia will not re-sign after this year (expect him to have a good year somewhere else, though, a la Millwood w/ Indians in 2005). Those nice free agent fellas (Zambrano, maybe Buerhle) are not coming to Citizens Bank to pitch, so don't hold your breath. The answer is getting arms in the farm. Homegrown heroes such as Hamels and Myers.

How do we get those arms? Perhaps smarter men than I may know.

We'll have to see if Gillick still thinks we're a contender on July 30th. It depends on how many times we can out slug our opponents, as we're not going to blow them away with pitching.

Quick Stains: June 29th

2007-06-29T12:59:00.000-05:00

As the rain came down at Citizen's Bank park, the Phillies, for a night, had me believing in them. Truly a fantastic game to see at Citizen's Bank park, despite a steady downpour for the majority of the later innings. Chase went yard twice, J-Roll was 4 for 6 with the game winning hit in extra innings, and the Philadelphia Phillies gave Plumpy's Ghost something to cry about. Coming into the big series with the Mets with series wins against the Cards and Reds is nice, and something we need to build on. Good luck to our boys over the weekend in this pivotal series.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 28th

2007-06-28T12:35:00.001-05:00

Plumpy's Ghost has one night without tears, as the Phils fall to the Reds, disappointingly. Not much to report. Rain delays are terrible.

Howard sets two records last night. The first is the longest homerun at Citizen's Bankpark with a 505 ft. bomb. The second is the fastest player to reach 100 HRs in MLB history, breaking Kiner's record. Kudos to Howard.

Too bad that Moyer, who had a no hit bad through most of this game, couldn't finsih the job, although like most losses, the blame is not his, but rather that of the Phillies' bullpen. What could Gillick even trade to get us help? Not much, is the unfortunate answer.

I'll be at the game tonight, praying the skies are kind to me, and that the Phillies are, as well.

6.27 Political Link Dump

2007-06-27T20:55:00.000-05:00

A little more specialized today as I found these links/videos most interesting

--Ann Coulter Getting Owned By Mrs. John Edwards

--Our President Making Various Cameos on Family Guy

--O'Reilly Getting Owned by...a High School Student (Bonus Points for using a quote from O'Reilly's book against him)

--Part II in the Four Part Series that Plumpy posted on earlier today

--Not only is Bush's Approval Ranking tanking in America, but around the world as well (Shocking, isn't it?)

Supporting the Troops, Sorta

2007-06-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a little something to sicken you to your stomach, just in case the Phillies rout last night has you feeling great today. Here's the most telling quote:

Jason Pepper applied for a program called the Specially Adapted Housing grant, which offers vets up to $50,000 to make their homes handicapped-accessible. But the VA representative handling his case told him he qualified for just $10,000 for his blindness.

Pepper recalls their conversation: "She's like, 'What's the amputation?' And I'm like, 'Well, it's my index finger.' And she's like, 'Well, that doesn't help at all. If you were to lose your arm from the elbow up, or if you were to lose a leg, then you'd qualify for the $50,000.' So, you know, I fired back with 'Well, haven't I lost enough?'"

Remember what it felt like to be flush with pride and patriotism? Why does that seem like a nice dream I had a few years ago that's getting tougher to remember with the sorry events of every passing day?

Oh, and Dick Cheney, the Vice President of the United States of America (remember how honorable that title used to be?), hates everything we're supposed to stand for, BTW. Have a fun day.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 27th

2007-06-27T12:13:00.000-05:00

Phils win last night, knocking Homer Bailey out in the early goings. This is one of those situations where you look at Kendrick, and you look at Bailey, and unless something drastic happens it's pretty clear who is going to have the better career, but for one night at least, the underdog came out on top.

Howard hit a dinger, and Ruiz just kept on driving in runs (or, you know, stealing home), further reinforcing that Rod Barajas should really never catch for our team beyond once every five games. We're currently 2 1/2 games back on the Mets. Assuming this number stays the same between now and the weekend, we have a HUGE series coming up with the Mets. 4 games against the team whose heels we are currently nipping at. The Phillies have a huge opportunity, and should we get hit bad in this series (as in get swept), I think the chances of us recovering (just as we didn't last year when the Mets pounded us) are indeed quite minimal. But, as Plumpy's Ghost pointed out, they're just going to have to play the games to resolve this whole mess. I, for one, will be watching closely.

In-Depth Journalism... No seriously

2007-06-27T11:47:00.000-05:00

On the long list of things I dislike, the 24-hour news cycle and its emphasis on fluffy non-stories ranks somewhere just below the other five NL Central teams and the Pittsburgh Steelers (Va fa Pittsburgh?). Because of that, I'm always over-joyed to see some news institution step up and do an in-depth comprehensive analysis of a situation instead of force-feeding everyone the news du jour. The Washington Post (one of the few remaining bastions of independently run news) fearlessly went for the BPAS on this four part series on Dick Cheney. I highly recommend you give it a look. Some of the stories are incredible and shed real light on the inner workings of the Bush presidency.

And in case you need a warm up before tackling that, I would recommend this Newsweek quiz which claims to test your Global IQ. Stupid though the title is, the quiz is still worth checking out.

6.26 Link Dump

2007-06-26T21:51:00.000-05:00

--Good Cop, Baby Cop: The sequel to Will Ferrell’s classic “The Landlord”

--Top 20 Movie Insults

--Interesting list of cereals and their side-effects (Methinks the Phils are eating too much of Houston’s Triple Play during the final stretch the last few seasons…or maybe it’s just Pat Burrell who’s been hoarding it)

--Shaq + 6 Obese Kids + Reality TV akin to Celebrity Fit Club (minus an insane Screech) = Winning TV Combo

--I don’t think this sort of thing has ever happened to a Phillies pitcher, no matter how poorly they have pitched

--This could be on the next And 1! mixtape for ridiculous pitches, though it comes nowhere near a strike

--At least one person other thinks the new Die Hard is decent (I may just wait until it shows up in the $6.99 DVD bin for a viewing, but you never know...Rocky IV is a guilty pleasure of mine and this just so happens to be the fourth episode of the Die Hard series)

6.25 Link Dump

2007-06-25T15:34:00.000-05:00

--Lawrence Mauroney as Kool Aid on Facebook

--Jon Kitna's Guarantee Concerning the Lion's Record for the Upcoming Season

--The Future Evolution of Sports Bloggers

--An animal link that will please animal enthusiasts such as Plumpy and S.Q.

--A respectful tribute and numerous links concerning the sudden death of Rod Beck, the relief pitcher who pioneered the fu-manchu mustache and mullet combo, essentially paving the way for Sal Fasano

--Introducing the starting line-up for your all-time busts team

Quick Stains: June 25th

2007-06-25T12:10:00.000-05:00

The Phils take two of three from St. Louis after losing both of their AL series'. Have to say, I'm with this outcome. I would feel a lot better if we'd gone three for six against the Indians and Tigers, but they are two of the best teams in baseball.

A lot has been made of Cole Hamels' struggle with the long ball, a natural result of his throwing around the plate. I'm not going to join in, as I have been more than pleased with our ace, who is projecting 225 or so innings this year.

Also, Chase Utley has been on a tear. I know, I have him on my fantasy team.

So, that's the ok news. Obviously the bad news is Jon Leiber, joining the long list of Phillies pitchers on the disabled list. Lieber has been amazing (a la his complete game shutout vs. Kansas City) and terrible (plenty of his other games), but he has been eating up innings, something that has been getting harder and harder for the Phillies to do. When our starter leaves the game early, as you would expect, we are getting destroyed. Absolutely annihilated. We can't even keep it respectable in those games, and with Lieber going down, it's going to be that much harder to make it through 6 innings without hitting the pen in a lot of games. Good luck out there, Kendrick.

Moyer looked good on Friday, shutting down St. Louis and also starting the Phils' run production. Hats off to him.

Phils take a day off, and then hopefully sweep the Reds. Should this occur, expect prompt mockery of Plumpy's Ghost. I'll be at the game Thursday night, and I hope to bring my broom along.

Brain hits 4 Mice

2007-06-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

The two pieces of news I tracked down for a little stain commentary today are so far apart that the post title is the only thing I could think of to connect them.

The Bong Hits 4 Jesus decision came down today. When all is said and done I'm not a fan of the decision and enjoy Stevens' dissent, "This case began with a silly nonsensical banner, (and) ends with the court inventing out of whole cloth a special First Amendment rule permitting the censorship of any student speech that mentions drugs, so long as someone could perceive that speech to contain a latent pro-drug message." I see the schools point that kids can't be shouting at the top of their lungs or unfurling huge banners all the time in the classroom, but this decision isn't the right way to address it.

Oh yeah, in other news, the Supreme Court and protected the free speech rights of issue advocates who want to buy advertising spots for attack ads against politicians right before the election. I haven't read the decisions but on its face, they seem to have opposite messages.

Souter stepped up and read his dissent from the bench and called out the majority for altering precedent without a substantive change in the facts. Were someone able to change the nominees so there was a liberal majority and flip the decision, Bush would hold a press conference to decry "judicial activism." Oddly, he has been silent on this. Regardless of my own thoughts on the case, I think judicial activism is one of the most illogical arguments in politics today. The easy solution to this case, people need to stop trusting political ads. Especially the ones on TV.

After reading the news on both, I began to wonder if students could circumvent the Bong Hits decision by buying advertising space advocating "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" on their high school television channels. Not sure if it would change the legal ramifications, but it would be hilarious.

Now for the totally unrelated second article. In summation, the article details the increasingly common practice of growing human tissue inside of animals and then testing drugs and chemicals on the animals. There's a great discussion on the ethics of this practice and also goes to show how incredible modern science is. Despite all that, I think many people will be left uneasy about the prospect of growing human brain cells in a mouse. Something to think about for sure.

Not A Day Went By, I Promise

2007-06-24T17:46:00.000-05:00

It's been a mighty long time since I've posted here at my beloved stain club, and I'm sure my reader has been upset. I can promise, however, that not a day went by when I didn't at least think for a moment about this horrendous war.

Speaking of horrendous things, this guy's injuries make him the war's most wounded soldier. I don't even have anything to say, except that it makes me feel incredibly blessed to be a recent college graduate with my whole life wide open ahead of me, while this guy, who's younger than me, will have an incredibly tough time forever. He's inspiring though, that's for sure.

501 and Counting

2007-06-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

We start our journey to 1000 posts with one of most recognizable faces on ESPN: Chris Berman. Chris Berman has a history of escapades which have been reported by Deadspin. His most recent one does not have to do with the now-popular cult line, “You’re with me, leather,” but with helping out our youth to grow up big and strong. Case in point, he contributes his voice to this little clip on Sesame Street concerning exercise.

Obviously you have to disregard the color of the puppet that is supposedly him(especially the green and sharp nose), but the hair is dead. Two other noticeable differences: first is the stance of the puppet itself. Rarely do I see Boomer standing up any more, mic in hand, on any of the ESPN shows. He is usually bouncing back-and-forth in his chair behind a table, waving his hands uncontrollably.

And second, the size of the puppet in terms of girth is very generous, in the same manner Andy Reid or Romeo Crennel appear trim and fit when they cross the field at the end of a game of Madden—it appears as if they have been taking Stacker 2 or Hydroxycut. I only wish that they had gone the extra mile to create a booth for Cheese-Day Countdown with Steve Young and Tom Jackson.

500th Post

2007-06-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

In light of our many accomplishments here at the Stain Club: we're still writing months later, successfully peer pressuring some of our friends to read this under threat of quizzing and disappointment, and alternating between discussions of a Phillies World Series and the death knell of the team's hopes for .500 (much in the way a child would turn a light switch on and off repeatedly), it's time to commemorate our 500th post. Yes that's right the big five - oh - oh. Some of you have been with us since the beginning. You know what Stain Club was like before the advent of the 5-stain rotation. Dark days when QFS was only a random jumble of letters. Others of you might be recent converts to the ways of Stain. Fear not. Soon you will be able to say knowingly to your friends and co-workers, "6.2 IP 5K 3BB 4ER" and they will immediately understand that your day was okay. And really, that's only the beginning.

I can't tell you what's next for Stain Club. Maybe we'll get some readers. Maybe we'll make good on all the promised columns and jokes. Or maybe we'll just stain you out and go to a baseball game. But, loyal (and primarily imaginary) readers we know you'll understand we had to keep going huge because we thought we had it. For not a day goes by that we don't ponder our influential readership and their stain-based choices. We hope that one day, they will turn their attention away from applying our stainy ramblings to geo-politics and instead focus on a higher priority: Paying Us To Live.

Good luck and God Speed Fellow Stains. Happy 500th Post.

6.22 Link Dump

2007-06-22T12:26:00.000-05:00

--A hilarious post from WithLeather concerning Jeff Weaver’s complete game shut-out (pay particular attention to the second to last paragraph)

--I need to start playing this game at the shore

--Snacksy the Kid would probably love this because he thinks he can take on a Grizzly with only a day of preparation in the jungle

--Hottest Wife/Girlfriend in Sports Bracket. Self-explanatory.

--In case none of our readers saw this link in the comments, here is a ranking of the top arrests of Cincinnati Bengals

--Ballhype tries to keep sports nation entertained during the dog days of summer with Bracketfest

Al Gore with the QFS

2007-06-22T08:03:00.000-05:00

I have begun to realize that with the exception of Plumpy's Ghost's The Quit Down and the word "stain" itself, we here at Stain Club have not been using our own unique terminology as much as we should be recently. To rectify this, to some degree, I recently found a great example of Quitting For Strength. Al Gore himself is quitting her on down on the presidential election, in all likelihood. In a title that would probably upset Nikos Kazantzakis, the Time magazine cover story article notes that Al Gore is probably not running for president, and quitting to keep his strength up to talk about the environment. PROBABLY. Things more likely than Gore running: The Reds trading Griffey or Dunn, the Phillies making the playoffs, and S.Q. Hagglepuss posting daily once more (alright, maybe not that last one).

I watched and enjoyed Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, and I was not the only one. Of course, after the movie talk degenerated into a vision of Al Gore becoming popular X-Men character Iceman (pictured above right) in an effort to save the world from both global warming and Magneto. I have no idea quite how this happened, but I found it incredibly humorous at the time.

So, there you have it. Gore quits for strength, and Stain Club marches on.

Rally Against Iraq

2007-06-21T19:37:00.000-05:00

As many of our loyal readers may have noticed, Hagglepuss has been abstaining from his “Not a Day Goes By” posts. Even though he hasn’t been posting, I am sure he has been still thinking about the continuing snafu that is known as the Iraq War. Furthermore, I think he would especially appreciate this site called Iraq Moratorium.

Using the Vietnam Moratorium of 1969 as its inspiration, these leaders of this project (they note specifically that it is not an organization) desire to inspire those who are against the war to take some sort of organized action, no matter how small, that will stand as a testament to their anti-war stance on every third Friday of the month, beginning on September 21. The website has some good suggestions for action, such as wearing black armbands and/or ribbons, or not purchasing gasoline.

We here at Stain Club have clearly made our stance on the war clear ever since this blog was introduced, and this is another way to support that very stance. I will post a link to this site under “Time Killers” as this post will eventually be knocked down the blog as my fellow Stain Clubbers add their posts. So spread the word about this project to all those who feel the same way about the war because if we can organize and show our strength in numbers, maybe we can get our troops home sooner rather than later.

Quit Down #2

2007-06-21T12:05:00.000-05:00

Contrary to popular belief, we didn't quit on the Quit Down. It's back with new names but the same stains (which almost rhymes). Here we go.

5. The Cincinnati Reds

Let the firesale begin. Who wants home run hitters for 50 cents on the dollar? I wake up in the morning excited about the possibility of getting something for Griffey and Dunn. Currently there are 4 players I would not want the Reds to trade unless it was an overwhelming steal: Aaron Harang, Homer Bailey, Josh Hamilton, Brandon Phillips. It would have to be a trade so lopsided that if made in a Fantasy league it would be voted down unanimously. Does it worry me that a former crack addict made my top 4 list? Absolutely. But it bothers me even more that I can't find number 5 anywhere.

4. Some lake in the Andes Mountains

An unusually self-explanatory Quit here. One day there was a 100-ft deep lake. The next? Not so much. Here's the link.

If you look closely at the CNN link, you'll notice that they refer to it as a "missing" lake. Where do they think the lake will be found? This is not an attractive white girl who has been kidnapped.

3. The 2004 West Virginia Mountaineers football team

These are some serious fellows. Pac-Man Jones, Chris Henry, Quincy Wilson. They all love arrest warrants. I haven't checked with ESPN Stats Inc. but he has to hold the NFL record for most police encounters. Single season and career. Quincy Wilson recently became the elusive 10th Bengal arrested and joins a long line of bubble players who decide they don't want to bother with the practice squad this year. Being a lock for the imaginary 5th running back spot on the Bengals, he knew he had to lock in that 10th player arrested designation before his inevitable training camp cut. This will keep his name on ESPN way longer than getting cut the normal way would. A savvy PR move and I tip my hat to you and the entire 2004 Mountaineers squad for their impressive legal quits.

2. Liberal Arts colleges everywhere

Proudly carrying the QFS banner, Liberal Arts colleges across the country are quitting on US News and World Report's stupid college rankings. Why anyone pays attention to these rankings in the first place is beyond me. If US News ruled the world, we would rank baseball teams based on ticket sales and how many minor league prospects they keep for a whole year. Do they draft only a few players each year? Must be a good team. They're selective. Are their prospects highly touted coming out of high school? World Series here we come. Most significantly, US News would have all of the teams rate each other. Don't think a particular team is going to do well this year? Now that opinion counts for 25% of your final ranking. According to US News and World Report, the Yankees have won their 32nd consecutive World Series. Congratulations.

I applaud all of the colleges who have decided to QFS on US News and World Report. Obviously, college deans everywhere are reading the Stain Club. Truly, it is evidence of our influential readership.

1. Lawrence Small - Former Secretary of the Smithsonian

Mr. Small claims the number 1 spot, not on his own merits, but for how hard an independent review committee Quit on him in a report published yesterday. For those of you unaware, Mr. Small was the head of the Smithsonian since 2000. During that time, he took 70 weeks of vacation, spent an additional 64 days working at another job (for which he was paid over 5 million dollars), and had his annual pay doubled. Oh yeah, he leased two Pandas and brought them to the National Zoo. The report summary in the NY Times is an amazing read, but I'll offer up two quotes that drive home how stainy this guy is.

The first, from his deputy, Sheila Burke, addresses the report's finding that she also missed 400 days at work over the course of 7 years, “There is no suggestion in the report or by anyone else that at the end of the day I didn’t do my job. There is every indication that I am in fact an extraordinary individual with a very strong work ethic.” Actually, I think you missed the part where they suggested that you missed 400 days of work. And the second quote, “The mismatch between Mr. Small and the Institution appeared as early as the initial negotiations with Mr. Small when he made it clear that if he and his wife were not allowed to travel in first class, it would be a ‘deal breaker.’”

They should hire Charlie Manuel, Dusty Baker, and the entire cast of Bill Simmons' Atrocious GM Summit to run the place. Although, I would be worried about them trading away our Pandas (Pandas for Pat Burrell straight up?), I don't see how they could do any worse.

Top Ten in the Polls

2007-06-21T11:42:00.001-05:00

Apparently, two of the countries that we are occupying, namely Iraq and Afghanistan, have ranked in the Top Ten of Failed States in the world. The article notes that pouring funds into such countries is worthless as they are not stable in terms of government and leadership. Iraq currently ranks at number 2 while Afganistan is at number 8.

And our government and president continue to believe that there is hope for this country as long as we keep sending troops and funds over yonder. A brilliant, brilliant deduction from our Bu$hleaguer in office.

6.20 Link Dump

2007-06-20T20:43:00.000-05:00

Today, I am going to start posting links that I find interesting throughout the day. Call it a little lazy, but not everything I find needs a paragraph of explanation and it will at the very least get us some more posts on the Stain Club as they have been lagging as of late. Plus, any chance to use the word, dump, in the title of a blog or a label is a chance I will take over and over again.

--One more reason to watch Scrubs if you haven't: The ridiculous dance sequences, most of which I probably borrow from whenever I am drunk.

--SportsCenter Audition tapes by recent retiree Bob Barker and Milk Hater Ron Burgundy.

--Recall in Austin Powers 3 (I know it's from a while back) that Fat Bastard went on the Jared Subway diet to lose some serious poundage that resulted in lots of sagging skin. Well, this is a lot more gross with a lot and a lot more sag.

--As a serious Star Wars nerd, I loved the Robot Chicken's mockery/homage to the entire saga. Seth Green is a genius when it comes to this kind of humor.

--More nerd stuff as D. Page recently informed of a major switch in the Spidey franchise as Marvel will be churning out Amazing Spider-Man three times a month while the other side titles will be canceled. Here's the interview with Steve Wacker concerning the decision to do so.

Scirrotto's Slap on the Wrist

2007-06-20T17:16:00.000-05:00

As a PSU football fan, this joyous news pertaining to Anthony Scirrotto returning to the secondary has me drooling. Our back seven is not only experienced, but it damn near the top in terms of talent. Everyone in the secondary now has a year of experience under their respective belts, and in Scrots, the Lions possess a hard-hitting play-maker.

As a person, I am always concerned when the punishment doesn’t always fit the crime. Scrots provoked enough of an incident, at least in my mind, to warrant a suspension well into the season. As I mentioned, I am glad he is back for football reasons, but that doesn’t mean he should be merely slapped on the wrist with a summer suspension. Sure there’s the punishment of the whole team cleaning up Beaver Stadium on Sunday, but is that enough for Scirritto? Not to me and I'm sure not to numerous others. Athletes will always seemingly be above the law (unless you’re Pacman Jones or Chris Henry), and this is just another incident to reinforce that idea.

Pure Opposites

2007-06-19T20:51:00.000-05:00

So I’m going to go for two polar opposites in this post. First let’s start with one of my favorite comedy actors, and if I may say one of the top comedians today, Steve Carell returning to the Daily Show to promote his upcoming movie, Evan Almighty, which will hopefully be as hilarious as the trailer/commercial previews have shown. If that doesn’t satiate your need for Carell, check out the material here. A lot of it is pure gold, especially the old Even Steph(v)en clips from the glory days of the Daily Show.

This, on the other hand, is the anti-Steve Carell. A man on Jeopardy who has so little to offer, not only in terms of money to wager on the final question, but an actual educated guess for the final answer, that he embarrasses himself with this obscure Family Guy joke (For those of you who don’t know the joke, simply click on the Related videos after the clip ends). Remember kids, if you watch enough Family Guy, you too can make an ass of yourself on Jeopardy when you become a full-fledged joke of an adult.

For serious, she makes a Ginormous point

2007-06-19T10:50:00.000-05:00

Continuing S.Q. Hagglepuss' lesser-known crusade to save the english language (in contrast to the better known to our reader crusade to stop the war in Iraq), Anne Applebaum highlights hilarious political turns of phrase that are full of sound and fury but signify nothing (quoting Shakespeare never goes out of style). Also be sure to check the first link in the column, which points to the bad writing competition that served as her inspiration.

Baseball Race... it speaks for itself

2007-06-18T18:01:00.000-05:00

This is extremely cool. Check it. That is all.

Everyone Wants Your Money

2007-06-15T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, the headline is blatant and obvious, but, of course, it's true. Everyone does, indeed, want your money. Cingular wants it so they can tell you to be safe and be courteous. Verizon wants it so they can provide the same content as the internet on a horrendously small screen.

But, my most recent fascination with this topic is MLB going too huge and trying to get a kicback from fantasy baseball websites. Right, because you can't just go look up what Manny Ramirez did in the paper? Anyone could run their own fantasy game, they pay for the service of someone else looking up the stats and calculating averages, etc. And they find that information in public forums. I really don't know what Bud Selig thinks he's trying to pull off, but I have to assume this case will be thrown out.

Of course, we here at Stain Club are guilty of this as well. We would like you to pay us to live. We won't be offering any services other than updating our humble blog, which we would have more time to do if we were being paid just to maintain our lifestyle. So keep this in mind, reader. And yes, I left the "s" off of reader for a reason. Thank you, our one noble fan. Be safe. Be courteous.

Sequels

2007-06-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I realized two things. One, I'm dreadfully behind in the video game world. Two, that video games are increasingly turning into blockbuster movies. And that's not a good thing.

This year I vowed to skip all questionable movie sequels. Even if I'd see the first two and really liked the characters. The first major test of this was Spiderman 3. It was panned by the critics but I love Spiderman. he's one of my favorite Marvel characters. To make matters worse, all my friends were going to see it. Luckily, my college roommate saved the day and came down from Philly to visit. Drunkenness ensued and we wound up watching Red Dawn at 3am. I suggest you try that sometime.

Then Pirates of the Carribean 3 came out. It was remarkably easy to skip that one. It also had been panned, was 65 hours long, and even the previews looked bad. Missing Pirates has been so satisfying. One of my friends with an incredibly short movie attention span (he had to ask me several plot development questions during EuroTrip) was forced to see it and took an hour nap halfway through, woke up and realized the movie wasn't over, then went back to sleep.

There are more sequels on the way. Fantastic Four 2, or Live Free or Die Hard, Rambo 4, etc. Almost all of these will gross more money than an average African country, and almost all of them will suck. And like I said, I'm worried video games are going down the same road.

Look at all the questionable Final Fantasy VII sequels, prequels, and any other sort of quels that are forthcoming. Dirge of Cerberus, for instance. Everything I've heard, read, or seen screams terrible game. But I still want to play it. Right now, I'm playing Kingdom Hearts 2 and Diablo 2 (like I said I'm dreadfully behind). You know the third game is coming. Even if it hasn't been announced, you know. Both of the games I'm playing are good, maybe even great. Despite that, I'm worried that the companies who produce them are going to figure out what Hollywood has. If you have a good franchise title, you can milk it over and over again. Doesn't matter if the story should have concluded two or three movies/games ago, because you can still take it straight to the bank.

Terminator 4: Coming Soon.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 14th

2007-06-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

So maybe dropping two games to Kansas City wasn’t so bad after all. The Phils got the brooms out for a sweep of the Chicago White Sox, their first home sweep of the season and their second in the last three series. They have won seven of their last nine. I listened to most of the game on the radio, and I was impressed that the offense was able to support the new kid on the block, Kyle Kendrick. The game went back and forth through the first two and a half innings with a run being scored in each half inning.

The game turned into a pitcher’s duel after these earlier scores with Kendrick holding his own through six innings. It turned out to be enough as Aaron Rowand not only drove in the game-tying run on a ground-out to third baseman, Josh Fields, in the bottom of the sixth, but broke the game wide open with a grand slam to left field. Phils third baseman, Abraham “El” Nunez had the honor of driving in the game-winning run two batters before Rowand went yard.

The bullpen showed up yet again, of course they had quite a run cushion for the second consecutive game. But it is good to see some young hands, namely Mike “Bronco” Zaugurski and Yoel Hernandez, coming into their own as set-up men for the current closer, Antonio “the Octopus” Alfonseca. A sweep is a sweep, and with the Mets in a tailspin right now, thanks in part to the sweep of them last week, the Phils are choosing the perfect time to gain ground on the NL East division leaders. They have a tough test in the series coming up as Detroit comes to town on Friday.

Un-Sloppiest Performer
Kyle Kendrick—He may not be the permanent replacement for the injury-plagued Freddy Garcia, but he still had a solid outing in his debut as starting pitcher. Despite giving up 3 runs in six innings, he held the White Sox in check long enough for the offense to tie the game in the sixth and take the lead in the seventh. Aaron Rowand gets runner-up for his 5 RBI effort.

Sloppiest Performance
Defense—From what I heard on the radio, there were a couple of ground balls/fly balls that could have been turned into outs. Larry Andersen mentioned that Ryan Howard was the culprit of two of these misplays, one of which resulted in a run in the top half of the second. On the highlights from the game, Alex Cintron hit a double out of the out-stretched glove of “Sugar” Shane Victorino. The combination of these slip-ups by the aforementioned players amount to today’s sloppiest performance.

Quick Stains: June 12th

2007-06-12T11:08:00.001-05:00

The Phillies won last night, taking the first game against Thome and the White Sox. Eaton pitched seven scoreless frames, but keep in mind, the White Sox are the worst offensive team in baseball. Winning the series is vital. Cole goes tonight, so a win seems like a lock, which makes a loss even more likely. I apologize, but if that made sense to you, then you've probably been following the Phillies pretty closely lately.

1. Bill Conlin makes fun of Jose Mesa.

2. Howard is batting over .300 since his return from the DL, and has cracked 7 homers in 17 games. Both are solid stats and should make everyone feel a little better.

3. Of course, Wes Helms is in the longest homerless drought of his career. I watched him hit into an inning-ending double play last night. Nice.

4. Watched the ESPN broadcast of the game last night, and it was refreshing to hear some different voices. Much was made of the range and arms in the Philly outfield, which has been one of the highlights of the season (another is Cole, and a third is Chase).

More White Sox fun tonight.

Putting the Map in perspective

2007-06-12T09:23:00.000-05:00

Am I plagiarizing an earlier title because its early and I'm not feeling clever? Yes. Am I going to promise another posting theme only to drop it days later? Hopefully not. Moving on...

Call me a social studies dork if you will, but having a map that matches every state in the country with an actual country based on roughly equivalent GDP's is cool. Also how humorous is it that Texas is being compared to Canada.

A Confluence of Stains

2007-06-11T16:42:00.000-05:00

The story of Genarlow Wilson involves the meeting of many topics here at the Stain Club. Its the story of a promising football player who got stained out hard by a rigid outdated Georgia justice system. Today, however, the Georgia Court of Appeals took a big step towards helping Genarlow quit prison for strength and hopefully pick up where he left off. I'll address this more as it plays out because the case isn't over yet, and it's only one part of a larger and much-needed reform of outdated criminal statutes. If you'd like to read the larger summary of the case check here.

Putting dinner in perspective

2007-06-11T13:48:00.000-05:00

Here's a rather interesting article a friend sent me recently. To briefly summarize, the author takes it upon himself to hunt and eat common city animals and writes about it. He even goes so far to offer up the recipes he uses. Very strange but very interesting.

Quick Stains: June 11th

2007-06-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

The Phillies sweep the best team in the NL, and lose two of three to the worst in the AL? Yup, sounds like a pretty typical week to me.

1. Kudos to Lieber for his complete game shutout. He was really the only Phillies pitcher that got it done this weekend.

2. Here's some unkind words about the decision to trade for Freddy Garcia. Gotta love the beauty of hindsight. Garcia could be done for a while. I'm assuming some team will grab him next year (how about Seattle, because irony is always fun) where he will go 200 IP, 4.15 ERA, 15-8. Also gotta love the beauty of pessimism.

3. Jim Thome comes back into town tonight. I'm hoping the fans treat him well. He was, and still is, a good man, and a wonderful baseball player. Here's a look at the decision to trade him based almost solely from an economic standpoint.

4. The Manayunk bike race is a silly time. Trust me, I was there.

5. Who thinks it's about time the Phillies rattle off seven or so wins in a row and then lose a couple series to the Nationals and Pirrates? That seems to be the course we're headed down.

6. Two points of comparison: The White Sox aren't good, but they are better than the Royals. Ryan Madson isn't good, but he is better than Jose Mesa.

ChiSox tonight at home. Who the hell knows what's going to happen.

Mupulp Fiction

2007-06-07T23:01:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite movies just got a lot better. Plus Eric Stoltz is still in it, and for some strange reason, Miss Piggy has lost a lot of weight and looks more like a fox than, oh let's say, a pig.

Plamegate Comes Full Circle

2007-06-07T22:53:00.001-05:00

“Scooter” Libby’s jail sentencing could determine how much the American public finds out about President Bush’s manipulation of the facts concerning Iraq’s pursuit of Uranium, which were pivotal in the justification for the current war in Iraq. According to this article, if the presiding U.S. District Judge, Reggie Walton, decides for an immediate sentence, it may result in Libby blowing the whistle on the roles of Bush and Vice President Darth Cheney in Plamegate so that he could obtain a more lenient sentence. What was the the end result of this situation called Plamegate back in 2003? Answer: the essential silencing of Iraq war critic Joseph Wilson, who, at the time, was discrediting the White House for its Iraq-Uranium intelligence as evidence for war.

How does Valerie Plame, the center piece of Plamegate, fit into this entire equation? Well, she’s a covert CIA officer, who just so happens to be the husband of (drumroll…) Mr. Joseph Wilson. Please…Discuss.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 7th

2007-06-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

For three consecutive nights in a row, the Phillies were the team to beat in the NL East. Shocking, isn’t it? I never expected this after dropping an entire series to the Diamondbacks. There is really no way to pinpoint the cause of this ebb and flow of the Phils’ play as this has been their M.O. the past few years. Perhaps one thing to look at is the play of the bullpen. If the pitchers in this bullpen, namely Madson, Geary, and Alfonseca, can churn out the sort of numbers that they did during this series more consistently, the pitching staff may finally be stabilized. The key word is “may” as their performance for the rest of the season will determine that.

Another issue could be the tendency to have letdown games/series. We’ve seen it every time the Eagles play a tough game, especially against the hated Cowboys. Players play their hearts out, get caught up in the emotion of the game, and leave it all on the field during intense rivalry games and series. It can take a lot out of a team to come out the next week or the next day and elevate their game that sort of level on regular basis. Maybe that’s what happened after sweeping the Braves, but the Phils should have at least recovered by the end of the series to snatch away one game. It is good to see, though, that they have bounced back with a significant sweep of the Mets at Shea Stadium. They were able to tighten the race in the NL East and maybe, just possibly, start playing like the contenders that J-Roll touted them to be.

Un-Sloppiest Performer of the Game
Pat Burrell—Clearly, this guy has taken a lot of heat as he has been slumping for the past few weeks with an average that, during that time span, isn’t even close to the Mendoza Line. But tonight, he used his BPAS just as Jimmy did last night. Not only did his smash tie up the game, but Pat the Bat did it off of Billy Wagner, a man who is no friend of Burrell’s. To top it all off, he provided a little more insurance for our bullpen, which for some reason has not needed it at all these past few days, by doubling in Ryan Howard. I tip my hat to Pat Burrell, and hopefully, this is the spark he needs to get out of his slump.

Sloppiest Play(s) of the Game
Cole Hamels’ two first pitch fast balls—Understand that I’m not coming down hard on the kid for his performance as he pitched a great game except for those two fastballs that Carlos Delgado and Paul Lo Duca plastered (I don’t count David Wright’s home-run as Willie Randolph found a red challenge flag, which permitted the umps to view the replay on the big screen which they are not supposed to do). The wham-bam-bam-thank-you-ma’am homers let the Mets back into the game, but Cole and the rest of the bullpen kept it close for the next two innings, setting it up for Burrell’s blast and, ultimately, a Phillies’ victory.

Kansas City still has the worst record in the Majors so let’s hope the Phils can, at the very least, take two out of three this weekend. I mean, it’s the Royals…C’MON!

Tales of the Wireless Samaritan

2007-06-07T13:01:00.001-05:00

A while ago, I wrote about Cingular wireless and their quasi-subliminal cell phone messages. Well, I've done a little research about this, and apparently it's a pretty popular program. An award-winning program. Since when did common sense start winning awards? What's next? Picture the "Blow Your Nose With Tissue Paper" campaign. Obviously, I'm getting over-excited about this, but I really do think it's nonsense.

Cingular Wireless shouldn't have much of a say over what I do with their phones. If I want to be obnoxious on my phone, then it's not Cingular Wireless' responsibility to stop me, but rather that of whatever venue I may be in. If it were Cingular's job to keep me courteous, what would they do? Follow me around and make sure my phone is on vibrate when I pop into a theatre?

The joy continues. On the website, they are actually writing out instructions on what to do if your phone rings. Things like: "Excuse yourself. It’s perfectly OK to step away from the table or go into another room to take an important call." Man, I wouldn't have figured it out without you, AT & T.

Now I'm not promulgating loud cell phone conversations in the middle of movie theatres. I'm just stressing that this isn't Cingular's area of expertise. Picture your car starting and a symbol lighting up with an x through a beer can. People should already know when they can and can't use their phone. Safety is not your number one concern, AT & T, it's making money. Do you know why? Because you are a business. If we are concerned about cell phones being a danger on the road, then work on making it illegal to use them (as it is in some places). Don't tell me to be safe and courteous. I value ethics in the business world, but I think this is window-dressing nonsense.

Perhaps the best instruction on the site is this one: "Be A Wireless Samaritan." This is outstanding. Perhaps if cell phone technology had existed in Jesus' time, there would have been five calls already placed and an emergency vehicle on-scene before the actual Good Samaritan reached the injured man (for those that don't know what I'm taking about, read up on your scripture). Of course, in Jesus' time, you didn't have to pay the ambulance a "courtesy" fee becuase you weren't being safe enough.

Buffalo vs. Lions vs. Alligators (Oh My!)

2007-06-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

A video named Battle at Kruger with the most violence I have ever seen stuffed into an amateur nature video. Unlike the dog fights that Ron Mexico runs, this stuff happens for a reason, whether it is to prey on the weak for sustenance or defending a young, injured member of the group. Truly, nature at its best, and I'm sure Plumpy would approve (consider this a peace offering for demeaning Mr Palmer earlier this year).

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 6th

2007-06-06T21:38:00.000-05:00

For two nights in a row, the Phillies were the team to beat in the NL East. J-Roll, our fearless leader, had his BPAS in full swing with a tremendous three-run shot to right field. For his heroic effort, which also included a 6-3 inning ending double play in the bottom of the seventh with the bases juiced, Jimmy receives the unsloppiest performance of the night.

Additionally, our three-headed Doc Brown dimension transcending bullpen of Geoff Geary, Ryan Madson, and the octopus-fingered Antonio Alfonseca, showed up yet again (they receive an honorable mention for un-sloppiest performance), and despite Geary doing his darnedest to make the game so much harder to watch by booting a ball that a tee-ball player could have fielded with his eyes blind-folded, they were victorious. That little pebble of an error could have turned into a multiple-run avalanche, but Geary pulled himself together and I applaud that effort, and that of the bullpen, as from that point forward as they preserved (wait for it…) a one run lead! prior to Rowand’s RBI single in the top of the eighth. Geary, however, receives the game’s sloppiest play award for his dinky error (I can’t give him sloppiest performance as he made up for it with the double play).

Humorous parallel

2007-06-06T08:31:00.000-05:00

Apparently the Red Cross is taking the opposite of the anti-war rallying cry "No Blood for Oil" a bit literally these days. And, of all places, in Philadelphia. I'm glad to see the Red Cross is tacitly, and hilariously, supporting our foreign policy.

From Baghdad, A Soldier's View

2007-06-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

I found this post by an actual solider over in Iraq. He expresses an opinion that the majority of America shares: Why are we in Iraq when the people do not want our help? What rings true to me the most is the soldier, Private Donald C. Hudson, Jr., directly attacking Bush's adamant policy of remaining in Iraq:

Why does our president's personal agenda consume him so much, that he can not pay attention to what is really going on here?

I feel sorry for this man because so many Americans are asking the exact same questions and raising the issues concerning the futility in Iraq, and yet we remain because if we leave the "terrorists will be emboldened" and this Bu$hleaguer in office will lose control of his military industrial complex that is running the economy.

Bring our troops home already! Why? Because all the government is doing now is endangering the lives of so many faithful, courageous Americans, who saw that it was their duty to protect this country from a forgein threat.

Quick Stains: Phillies Phodder for June 5th

2007-06-05T22:21:00.000-05:00

After the battle of the pitchers-who-were-born-during-a-little-thing-called-the-Vietnam-War ended in the seventh inning, I was shocked by the performance of our bullpen, who performed as if they actually played in the majors. Anyone else? Was that the Phillies bullpen out there, or did we transcend some sort of dimension to a place where our pitchers are actually competent? Someone get me Doc Brown on the phone.

As for the performance of the offense, I can't recall a worse display of base-running than our third base coach deciding not to send Chase Utley home on Aaron Rowand's base hit in the top of the sixth. I feel like Burrell could have still made it back to second if he didn't decide to stutter step back to third when there was no chance in hell he was going to get there--Chase was simply distracting Lo Duca to buy Pat time, but in such a bang-bang play, you can really plan these things out. The Phils should have been up by one and ended the game in the bottom of the ninth (although with a one run lead, our dimension-transcending bullpen may not have showed up so in the end, I'll take the W). Sloppy and wacky plays continue to be a running theme throughout this season (this could become a column eventually as I would point out the sloppiest play of the night). Stay tuned for more tomorrow.

The Quit Down

2007-06-05T17:13:00.000-05:00

Modelled closely after Stephen Colbert's Threat Down, the Stain Club now brings you the Quit Down. Whereas Mr. Colbert informed you of new threats, we will inform you of new Quits that you should be aware of. Whether they are for strength or otherwise, here is the first QUIT DOWN.

5. The Phillies

You knew this was coming. You need to look no further than Jose Mesa's ringing telephone? Think they can still get Troy Percival? Perhaps create the first All-Washed Up Bullpen Team. The possibilities are endless.

4. Odell Thurman

I don't like passing judgement on spotty AP news reports but at some point you have to think, "Hey I've been kicked out of the NFL indefinitely but can apply for reinstatement in July... Maybe I should avoid situations that could possibly be construed as assault." I believe dearest Odell forgot that you need to turn in a few MVP caliber seasons before you can go on murderous rampages (Ray Lewis anyone?) and not face any real consequences.

3. The work ethic of D. Page and my college roommate

This Quit hasn't happened yet but I view as a certainty so we're counting it at number 3. They're moving in together sometime in July to the aptly titled House of Stain. I put the over/under on number of work days skipped due to the Beer/Phillies/Video Games Trifecta of Glory at 47. Please place your bets.

2. Bill Richardson

A middle of the pack Democratic candidate for President with darkhorse possibilities, Bill Richardson quit on self-respect and dignity a few days ago on Meet the Press.

YOU CAN'T BE A RED SOX FAN AND A YANKEES FAN!

You can't. There's really no parallel for this. You can still love Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle and all the Yankee greats of baseball lore. Those are baseball legends who transcend the team they played for. But when you're picking teams, you have to pick one. Maybe Bill Richardson likes the Ohio State and Michigan, Auburn and Alabama, or maybe he gets big and is a Cowboys and Eagles fan. Perhaps he's a Phillies Phanatic who really likes the way Joe Carter swings the bat. OR maybe he's a waffling assclown.

1. The Universe

The only Quit that could be stronger than Bill Richardson's. The Universe is Quitting on itself. You heard it here first (ignore the NY Times link). According to physicists, the Universe is drifting apart at such a rapid rate that billions of years from now it may be impossible to tell that there are multiple galaxies. The Universe is going huge. Does it have it? The sun will blow up before we find out, but clearly we here at the Stain Club respect the Quit.

Editor's Note: If you read the whole article about the Universe you will find a hilarious quote from a scientist that would do S.Q. proud. See if you can figure out what I'm talking about.

Quick Stains: June 5th

2007-06-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

Phills lost yesterday in a blowout. Ugh.

1. Phils now have the worst pitching staff in the NL.

2. All sorts of information about different Phils stuff here, although the primary focus is on batting Rowand fifth instead of Burrell.

3. They're televising the baseball draft. The time for comedy and mockery is now.

4. Phils are making calls about Jose Mesa, a sure sign that things are indeed looking glum.

5. And now the Phillies take on the Mets, the best team in the NL East, who are 3-1 against them. Both series against the NL West teams were disappointing, and now it's time to face an even better team.

6. Is there any rhyme or reason to when Charlie plays the following people: Dobbs, Nunez, Helms, Werth? I'm not saying any of them are bad players, I just never know which of them is starting, and if there is any logic behind it. I do strongly disagree with playing Werth over Victorino, though.

Yellow Ledbetter Lyrics Found!

2007-06-05T08:18:00.000-05:00

Pearl Jam is personally by far my favorite band of all time, and I know, as much as anyone else, that whenever Eddie Vedder sings a song from the old days like Yellow Ledbetter, his intentional mumbling makes it nigh impossible to ever know the true lyrics to such songs. Well, so when I realized that someone finally cracked Vedder’s mumble code (indulging in a bit of poetic licensing), I must say that the result is quite satisfying.

Looking to the Future

2007-06-04T22:44:00.000-05:00

Considering most of us here at Stain Club recently graduated in the past few weeks (Plumpy had the balls to make the jump to the real world a whole year earlier), I came across this fictional graduation speech that Tom Engelhardt posted on his website a mere day after that I actually graduated. It is an impressive speech to say the least because of its bluntness about affairs concerning not only the United States, but the world at large.

Unlike my speaker, who was a long-winded lawyer (is there any other kind?) and prattled on and slightly boasted about her accomplishments (shocking!), Engelhardt doesn’t pussy-foot around the serious issues such as global warming, over-population, and the war in Iraq. But what impresses me most about this speech are these two sentences towards the end of the speech:

We failed you. I believe that and I don't even know exactly how.

I admire this kind of responsibility. I have always been one to admit to my wrong doings and mistakes, and this kind of admission needs to be applauded. Engelhardt recognizes the fact that the problems that are currently plaguing America and most of the world have come from the previous generation.

My father consistently bitches about the government’s tax system and how I need to eventually change it. Admittedly, this is mostly kitchen small talk, but it is a topic that has come up a lot these past few years. I have turned to my father and said several times, “Why can’t you do something while there’s still time?” His answer is usually this: “Because I’m too old now.” My father is turning 60 on Thursday, and I can see his point, but this story alludes to the previous point that Engelhardt was getting at: the problems of the previous generation are being passed to my generation, and there are many, and he refers to these as

a terrible burden that my generation of parents should never, never have loaded on your shoulders.

Such a statement is enough to make your jaw drop, especially if this were an actual graduation speech, which usually touches upon the subjects such as looking to the future as a land of dreams and hope that can be molded the way you want or giving pearls of wisdom that graduates should live by as they enter the real world. Engelhardt gives these pearls (the second idea he explains is pretty thin to me, as is the third, but he is able to clarify them in the paragraphs that follow them which is more important), and he turns this potential hell-hole of world into a land of potential. He refers to a time near 1000 AD where peasants anticipating the end of the world built coffins for themselves and laid in them while awaiting their doom. The world that we graduates have inherited can be seen as a coffin to lie in. Global warming, an incompetent presidency and government, a senseless war in Iraq (and possible one with Iran) are the planks that make up this coffin.

To lie down in this coffin would be an act of submission and would indicate a lack of faith in the future of the world. I do not want to lie down in this coffin as much as anyone else would want to. I want to make sure that this world is a safe place to live in when I think it is time to start a family. I realize that I can’t shape or change the world immediately, but it is heartening to hear Engelhardt spell out the fact that, in the words of William Joel, we didn’t start the fire. And now, I hope some how, some way down the road that we can put it out. Maybe this blog is a start.

Quick Stains: June 4th

2007-06-04T11:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, after a long and arduous struggle without internet access (a problem plaguing several of our primary contributors these past couple weeks), quick stains and Philadelphia Phillies coverage returns. While I have not been posting about the Phillies, I have certainly been watching, including the sweep of the Braves, getting swept by the Dbacks (I attended game one, although there will be more on that later), and some nice success against the Giants, largely due to Cole Hamels and Shane Victorino.

1. Sometimes you are embarassed to be a fan of Philadelphia sports. No, I'm not referring to the lack of championships, but rather the actions of many Philadelphia fans. At the first Diamondbacks game (Memorial Day), I attended the game with several friends. I sat in the 300 level with cheap seats. I was incredibly disappointed that, in the seventh and eigth innings, I witnessed at least five ejections from the section, and also was hit with beer and various food particles, not aimed at me, but just thrown for the sake of generating more chaos. Several fights had to be broken up, and the "Asshole" chant was a constant echo in the later stages of the game. This is embarassing. A young mother had to leave the section with her toddler child because of all the poor behavior. This is when it's distressing for all the loyal and responsible fans that want to watch a game. Sure, this kind of stuff is mildly entertaining, but mostly it speaks to the mob mentality, and the lowest common dominator approach to life of many people. Perhaps it was my fault for purchasing cheap seats, but I am sure there are plenty families that like to take their children to games, but cannot afford more expensive seats. Should their children be subjected to this kind of behavior? I think not. Grow up, everyone.

2. J-Roll obviously doesn't lead the NL in homers anymore, but he does lead the league in triples.

3. Cole Hamels is the winningest pitcher in the NL.

4. Mike offers up a look at the month ahead on A Citizen's Blog, still one of my favorite Phillies blogs.

5. All in one article, you can read about Tom Gordon's rehab, and hear Charlie Manuel sounding like an idiot.

6. The bullpen is a shambles. 4.66 ERA. Of course, then again, the ERA of our starters' ERA is a 4.68, so you tell me who is to blame.

7. I watched Rod Barajas end the game last Monday, and I think a full-fledged attack on his playing so frequently, or even remaining in the majors, is coming soon. Ruiz is hitting more (compare 137 at-bats to 63). Here is one stat to counter the Rod-hate that is developing, and that's this: Of catchers with a minimum of 50 ABs, Rod is third in OBP (at .359). Of course, he is 23rd (out of 25 eligible) in batting average. Keep watching ball four, Rod. Thank god we don't have another guy with a sub .230 average that relies solely on walking...oh wait...

More to come tomorrow. The Quick Stains are back. Go Phillies.

Instilling Freedom By Not Practicing It

2007-06-03T13:10:00.000-05:00

Fuck This. What country are we in?

A little something near and dear to my heart

2007-06-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I think about the Reds' and their annual plight, I think about the cruel twist of fate that was the Ken Griffey Jr. trade. It should've been the ultimate feel-good story. But alas... Though it is a small consolation, The Onion agrees.

Guzzling Jordan Juice

2007-05-31T22:57:00.000-05:00

My God. People had been placing a bulls-eye on LeBron James' back when the Cavaliers dropped the first two games of their series against the Pistons. Now they are up 3-2 in part to a phenomenal (that is an understatement mind you) performance by James when he was essentially the only person on the court scoring for the Pistons in the later part of the 4th quarter and all of the two overtimes played.

Allow me to explain: LeBron had 48 points overall, but he was a one-man wrecking crew in the late part of the game--he made the last 11 field goals for the Cavs, scored the last 25 points as well as 29 of the last 30 points. At one point, LeBron had three guys surrounding him with the shot clock winding down. He shot, off-balance, and made it.

Word on the street is that Jordan had to go through the Pistons to achieve greatness. History has a tendency to repeat itself, and if the Cavs do get over the hump, we will all be looking at this game as the night LeBron James came into his own and established himself as the superstar he was touted to be. I expect the Pistons to put five guys on him in the next game, but even then, I believe LeBron will put up at least 25.

Keith Olbermann Has Huge Balls

2007-05-30T17:29:00.001-05:00

This video, in that of itself, may make up for the lack of "Not a Day Goes By" posts over the past few days. Keith lays the smackdown on not only Bush, but the spineless Democrats who, despite public support, could not garner any sort of support to override Bush's veto to set a time-table for troop withdrawal. That's mostly an overview of what he says, but trust me, you want to hear what he has to say. If you want a transcript of his "Special Comment," you can find it here.

And while we're on troop withdrawals, here's another instance of Dick Cheyney eating his own words from two years back by asseting that the war in Iraq is coming to a close and that the troops would be home by the end of his administration (we're to assume that this is also Cheyney's administration). The most horrendous fact of all is the number of American soldier deaths, which has surpassed the casualty numbers of the Spanish-American War and the War of 1812. Will we surpass the American Revolution? God I hope not.

Stainy Neglect: Going Huge

2007-05-30T16:54:00.000-05:00

As Plumpy’s Ghost was kind enough to point out, we here at Stain Club have been staining it up the past few days with a minimum of no posts a day. Me, I’m oh-for the last week, week and half, mostly because I just graduated and have been searching for employment. Excuses, excuses as they say. I don’t like them myself, but that’s the way of the world sometimes.

Any way, just to throw something up for the sake of it, Deadspin and the Washington Post have picked up on this story concerning a quite attractive teenager whose sport of choice is (wait for it) pole-vaulting! Interesting stuff considering all this hype surrounding this affair began with this picture of her.

Clearly, she is quite an attractive girl, but the point of concern is how quickly the photo was spread to various blogs and then to the laptops and computers of horny, adolescent boys and older, grossly randy middle-aged dudes. It has gotten to the point that the girl has to be careful as to where she goes whenever she leaves the house because people immediately recognize her from the photo.

Two things can be taken from this story and the first is the fact that men, as we all know, are more sexually driven women. This is a proven fact, and considering the rate that this photo spread from blog to blog and desktop to laptop, I have to say that the only reason it was propagated in such a fast fashion was that every guy is always looking for a hot girl to take a gander at and wish he could get into bed because deep down, guys are sex machines. They love the pretty ones, the curved ones, the sexy ones, and most of all, they love the boobies and the booty. I can’t recall an instance of a picture of a nineteen year-old gymnast or wrestler ever being sent from website to website in such a way.

Unfortunately for this young girl, she is now the unofficial pin-up of the week or month and her private life, it seems, is clearly being invaded. That brings me to the second point, which is that the internet has a downside some times. Communication technology has apparently gotten to the point where the life of a normal person can be wrecked within a few days. It sucks, but hey, I’m not saying we have to destroy the internet. I’m also not advocating any sort of solutions right now because, honestly, how do you prevent such a vast array of people from sending images, let alone information, to each other? It’s just something to think about.

Stainy Neglect

2007-05-29T23:00:00.000-05:00

Despite rumors that we are a Phillies blog, our dearth of posting better reflects the Cincinnati Reds' play of late. This is stainy and unfortunate. Unfortunately, I don't have it. By it, I mean a clever post. However, I do have one of the best animal clips ever (excluding Planet Earth). Here it is.

For the record, the video is titled the Battle at Krugar, and is completely worthy of the name.

Quick Stains: May 25th

2007-05-25T12:14:00.000-05:00

Another wild one at Dolphins Stadium as the Phils lose to the Marlins in extra innings, once more dropping below .500. This time, the benches cleared, and a brawl almost ensued. Scott Olsen is an idiot, and I blame him as the catalyst for the bad blood between the two teams. Barajas, Lieber, and Willis certainly didn't help the situation. I would've liked to see this go further, if only to put a spark in some of these players. The bouncing up and down to .500 has got to depress. Hopefully, Howard's return will mark a turning point of some sorts, if this fight with the Fish (who we won't see again until early August) does not.

1. Charlie Manuel isn't good at his job. What a shocker. Also, Barajas continues to play, and Coste will likely be sent down to the minors.

2. Ryan Howard returns tonight. Not a moment too soon. I'm having a hard time believing we're still hovering at .500 with the way the team has been slumping with the bats. 17 men left on last night. Outstanding.

3. Now that we've talked about Manuel and Howard seperately, Jim Salisbury talks about both at the same time!

4. How are the Phils losing? Well, being fifteenth in the league in ERA isn't exactly helpful to a ballclub. Opponents are batting .267 against us. Florida, Pittsburgh, and Colorado (last in ERA) are worse there. The Mets are 2nd in ERA in the NL.

5. And yet, the Phils are 1st in runs scored, and are tied for the Mets in 1st in OBP. The disparity is incredible.

Hudson and Moyer square off tonight. If we win, we're a .500 ballclub. Again. Yay.

Quick Stains: May 24th

2007-05-24T11:59:00.000-05:00

That was a wacky game last night. Dobbs' misplay, Barajas missing the tag, Myers' shoulder...certainly one of the stranger ninth innings I've seen. The good news? Clay Condrey shutting down the ninth and clinching the win for us in the tenth. The bad news? We may be relying on Clay a whole lot more now with Myers sidelined for what is hopefully only a couple days. It didn't seem like a game we'd win with the disastrous ninth, but I think everyone involved will take the "W."

The Phils are at .500 again, a familiar position for them these days. A series win in Florida will give them their first winning percentage all season. It's important to take a win here. We face Atlanta on Friday with Howard's hopeful return, and that could be a rough series, as series against Atlanta usually are. The Marlins, meanwhile, will face the Mets.

Given our long climb to .500, I've begun to track the two teams ahead of us (namely, the Braves and Mets) a lot more closely. The Phillies are 6.5 games back on the Mets, certainly a significant amount, but there's a lot of time to catch up, as we're only reaching the end of May. Before facing the Mets again, the Phils will have to make their way through the Braves, Diamondbacks, and Giants, all respectable ballclubs. Fortunately, we will face the two NL West teams at home, and then never see them again. The four game set against the Giants will be important, and if we can do the same thing we did to the surging Brewers (take three of four), we could be in good shape when it's time to head up to Shea stadium.

The Mets, too, will face the Dbacks and Giants at home at the same time (in reverse order). After that, things get rough for the Mets, with away games against the Tigers, Dodgers, and Yankees (technically an away game), and then facing the Twins and A's at home. Things won't
be any easier for the Phils with the exception of three games against the Royals, as after that's the White Sox, Tigers, and Indians, all powerful ballclubs.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The important thing tonight is getting a winning record. Lieber takes the mound for the Phillies. You can read up on ole Lieb here. He'll be oppose by Marlins ace Dontrelle Willis, someone we have yet to beat this year. As always, go Phils.

Terrible Presidents

2007-05-24T11:54:00.000-05:00

This is usually S.Q.'s business, but I thought I'd contribute a Not a Day Goes By given his lacking internet access these days. I got into a discussion last night about terrible presidents. I mentioned my dislike of Reagan, not a popular decision with a lot of Republicans at the table. Carter's name came up. Clinton was mentioned once, something I can't get behind as I thought he was a fantastic president.

However, the point of interest is that there was absolutely ZERO argument that Bush Jr. is a terrible president, and few argued that there was a worse one (although Nixon was mentioned). Outrageous.

Quick Stains: May 23rd

2007-05-23T17:14:00.000-05:00

My apologies for being out of the Phillies commenting the past week or so, as I was graduating from college and also going through the laborious process of selecting a car to purchase. I will have much to say over the next couple days about Howard's return, Hamels' late inning failure, and much else. However, I would like to talk about this story I recently read over at ESPN first.

As I mentioned before, I'm a big fan of celebrities using their resources to better our world, and this is just such an event. I've also been a fan of Derrek Lee as a baseball player, and this makes me like him even more. My favorite part of the story was Lee's teammate Ryan Dempster's response to hearing the news. Very humanizing depiction of some talented baseball players.

The Good

The Awesome

The Sleazy

Phils go against Marlins tonight. Go Phils.