Even if you aren't a vegetarian, you probably ought to know that soy products make you gay. That's right, soy milk and tofu can turn you into a homosexual, especially if you consume them before puberty. Oh, and you women ought to know that soy products can make you get your period at the age of seven, so you're not off the hook. No word on whether they can turn you into a lesbian, but there's probably statistically sound, empirical evidence out there that all lesbians are vegetarians, or vice versa. And by the way, it's the devil who's behind all this, in case you were about to complain to your local health food store. The real question here is whether you should laugh that this guy actually believes this, or cry about the fact that he has thousands of readers. My initial vote was laugh, no question, but the more I think about it, and the more I look at his smug grill, the more I'm leaning towards cry.
