There's Some Brilliant Work Taking Place Out There

Well, it's important to know that we, as a species, are learning more about how we interact with this crazy world of ours and all of the fun people in it, and that there's statistics to back it all up.

For example, here's a shocker: Men want to be with attractive women. Good stuff, right?

Here's another big one: Rock stars are more likely to live fast, die young. This article is full of insights like the following: Mark Bellis, leader of the study, said his research showed the stereotype of rock stars was true -- recreational drugs and alcohol-fueled parties take a toll.

So listen up, crack addicts! In addition to taking all your money and putting you on the streets, this stuff is, believe it or not, also bady for your body. Genius!

Now, The Onion frequently goes for this kind of humor, where they overanalyze something incredibly obvious. The problem is that this isn't The Onion. I assume these people doing said studies think they are going huge, and figuring out big things. Either that, or they really can't think of a better way to try to earn a buck. Can't say I fault them there, as we're still trying to get people to Pay Us to Live (and no, that's not exactly going so hot).

Perhaps I need to start a study. In building on a theory by S Club poster S.Q. Hagglepuss, the theory to be tested is that men from the Philadelphia area can never fully commit to a woman because they have already had their heart broken by so many sports teams. I will need 50,000 dollars and five supermodels willing to fall in love with me to test this theory (Gee, I guess that Men wanting hot women theory is right after all, huh?).

Speaking of Philadelphia sports, the Phillies still play baseball, and have succeeded and faltered since last we spoke of them. I attended the interference call game, and cheered as loudly as anyone for the big comeback game. Things have pretty much gone downhill since then.