Burrell for Soriano, Straight Up

While I was watching a Phillies game this summer some kid I'd never met before laid this gem: "I hear we might be getting Soriano for Pat Burrell, straight up." This would have been great news, except it was completely false. ESPN had been reporting that this was a longshot at best, and even if we did get Soriano through some unprecedented stroke of luck, it would by no means have been "straight up" for Mr. Patrick "I've got a pretty looking swing and a huge contract but not much else" Burrell.
Obviously we couldn't let this go without relentlessly ridiculing it for hours. My favorites were "TO's painkillers for Barry Bonds' steroids, straight up," and "Prince's drum machine for Ringo Starr, to clear cap room." The possibilities are really endless. Lindros' concussions for Donovan's sports hernia; Mitch Williams' ability to close a game for Bill Buckner's ability to field grounders. Endless, and hilarious.