Stain for Hire

I have a real job. Therefore I post about real job things. My advice to you... Be Cool, Stay in School (for 6 or 7 years).

Top 5 most menial jobs I perform
1. Label Monkey - I put numbered labels on the corner of every page. College degree and a competitive GPA required.
2. Indexing - I summarize thousands of emails. Written in German. I don't speak German. But thanks to Google Translator I know how to say Machine House Crane (Maschinenhauskran).
3. Copying - Did I mention the competitive GPA?
4. Due Diligence - Sounds fancy but really is the corporate version of puppy-guarding. Want to invite some PhD's over to read your reports? Better have a lowly project assistant watch them all day long to make sure they don't start stuffing the thousands of documents you just let them read down their pants.
5. Carpe Diem - At the firm, you have to log your entire work day in 6 minute increments in order to accurately charge your clients hundreds of dollars an hour for the other 4 menial tasks. The program is titled "Carpe Diem," Latin for "Seize the Day." For me, seizing the day means waking up at noon and watching an entire season of Beauty and the Geek before starting a busy day of video games and drinking.

That sums up the last 2 months of my life. Carpe Diem.