Let’s make one thing clear: The Pirates Suck. They have sucked for a long time, and they will hopefully continue to suck for a long time, because it’s just funnier that way. However, last year something terrible happened. The Pirates TIED the Phillies in the season series, each team taking three games. This is unacceptable. We should OWN the Pirates. We should be laughing in the face of Jason Bay and Freddy Sanchez. We should, and this year, we will. As always, check out this or this to take a look at the Phillies.
Pirates Offseason: A time of regrets, bad decisions, and well deserved mockery
Traded Mike Gonzalez in four player deal, got Adam LaRoche. Yeah. Right. Cause Adam LaRoche will save you, Pittsburgh. Good one.
Pirates Starting Rotation:
Zach Duke
Ian Snell
Paul Maholm
Tom Gorzelanny
Tony Armas
Closer: Salomon Torres
Pirates Lineup:
1B Adam LaRoche
2B Freddy Sanchez
SS Jack Wilson
3B Jose Bautista
LF Jason Bay
CF Chris Duffy
RF Xavier Nady
C Ronny Paulino/Ryan Doumit
Starting Rotation:
I should be using fancy statistics here, but I don’t even see the need. I know that Zach Duke and Ian Snell aren’t enough to lead this team anywhere, and you should, too. Ian Snell was one game short of becoming the Pirates’ first 15-game winner in seven years. If he does win fifteen this year, at least it will toss Pittsburgh a bone. Honestly, though, the Pirates had the worst batting average against from their pitchers in the NL last year (.281), and that’s never a good thing. It would be less of a problem if Pittsburgh was K-ing people up more often, but the team produced 1060 strikeouts last year, 10th in the NL (Philly was 5th with 1138). Tony Armas had a sexy 5.03 ERA Last year and only managed to strike out 97 people in 154 IP. He also had a .278 BAA, which is apparently better than the average Pittsburgh pitcher. With these kind of numbers, I’m surprised he’s not getting the opening day nod. Paul Maholm had a 4.76 ERA, but that 2.95 BAA isn’t exactly inspiring. Neither is his 1.61 WHIP.
Edge: Phillies
Bullpen:
Well, Mike Gonzalez, who I wish the Phillies had gotten, ended up with the Braves and their newly built monster bullpen. That leaves Salomon Torres as the defunct closer for the Pirates. Just how good is the song of Salomon? Well, his ERA was 3.28. But then, his BAA was .274. Not exactly the best number for a closer. He blew three of his fifteen saves last year. He also struck out 74 people in 93 and 1/3 innings. Not inspiring. Still, he is the best candidate the Pirates have. God bless ye, Salomon.
Edge: Tie. I mean, the Pirates suck, but the Phillies suck in the pen, too.
Batting Lineup:
The Pirates scored 691 runs last year. The Phillies scored 865. The Pirates were 16th in runs scored in the NL. The Phillies were 1st. Pittsburgh’s slugging percentage last year was .397, the only sub .400 team in the NL. The Phillies slugged .447, second in the NL. They slugged even lower with RISP at .383 (good for last place once more). Thank God Adam LaRoche will be coming to town. Seriously, though, while I don’t think Adam LaRoche can save these bats, he certainly won’t hurt. He slugged .561 last year, and he sent 32 balls for yard. You’ve got LaRoche, Sanchez, and Jason Bay. Good luck, boys.
Edge: Phillies
Defense:
Interestingly, Pittsburgh and Philly were similar defensively last year, both posting 104 errors and a team .983 fielding percentage. The Pirates fielded decently at just about every position. Hell, I’ll give them this one.
Edge: Pirates
Final Verdict: Va Fa Pittsburgh.
Bottom Line: Phils win 4, Pittsburgh wins 2, I laugh at my friends from Pittsburgh and congratulate them on their attractive ballpark. We’re all done with these, so feel free to look at how the Phils will stack up against any of the NL teams according to yours truly.
NL East:
Atlanta
Florida
NY Mets
Washington
NL Central:
Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati
Houston
Milwaukee
St. Louis
NL West:
ArizonaColoradoLos AngelesSan FranciscoSan Diego
