New Stain Club Vocabulary

As LL Cool J once said, “Like the prodigal son, I’ve returned.” Cheesy, yes, but unfortunately, I have not posted anything over the past two weeks on Stain Club—quite a huge stain on my part. Through a combination of my laptop freezing when I was actually trying to post, arranging efforts to help out a charity, and working on a thesis, there has been little time to tackle anything within my realm of expertise, which, I assure you, is quite little.

Despite this unfortunate sabbatical, I am back, and I have been contemplating what would be my return post, and I figured, why not make an addendum to the Stain Club vocabulary. I have always been interested in how people in older literature insult each other. Shakespeare, for example, always had a unique play on words that he would have a character say to another. It wasn’t as simple a statement such as “Screw you ass-clown!” or “Eat shit douchebag!” The play on words would absolutely insult people without having to utilize curse words or the like.

I recently came across an Italian phrase that has been uttered on a few TV shows. In Italian, it literally is “Va fa Napoli,” which means "Go to Naples." However, this is aactually slang that means “Go to hell” or something of that nature because Naples because it is not a desirable place to be.

I would like to revamp this expression for the use of Stain Club. I propose that Pittsburgh is used in place of Naples. As a person who resides on the Eastern side of Pennsylvania, I have always felt a real disdain for Pittsburgh and all that it stands for: Sandwiches with french fries in them; Ben Roethlisberger; the Steelers and their terrible fans and the Terrible Towel. In fact, people have been leaving Pittsburgh since the 1990s. Does this sound like a desirable place to be? I don’t think so.

I also don’t want this to be a metaphor for going to hell. It should have different kinds of connotations as well. Pittsburgh can be the place where stains of all kinds should go because well, they are stains and they need to congregate with their own kind. As a result, anyone you think is a stain, has stained you up, or has really pissed you off, tell them to “Va fa Pittsburgh.” Another way of saying it would be “Get thee to Pittsburgh” or “Go thy ways to Pittsburgh.” This phrase can be used in so many ways at some many times, I hope it catches on. Otherwise, anyone who doesn’t like this post can va fa Pittsburgh for all I care.