A Parable of Strength

We, at the Stain Club, frequently write about the constant vigilance required for QFS. Like any other skill, baseball, football, running the country, etc. just about everyone needs a lot of practice and experience. Occasionally though, you find that rare natural talent, someone who possesses Bill Simmons' Tremendous Upside Potential, the kind of guy who drops the BPAS effortlessly, and always at the right time. If we're talkin baseball, Albert Pujols (notice how I never mention the NL MVP... this is still a Phillies blog right?) for football we'll go historic and say Jim Brown, Barack Obama hasn't done a whole lot yet, but every college student on the planet loves him so I think he qualifies too. When it comes to QFS, my old high school buddy could do it in his sleep. We'd be out at a party and he'd turn to me and say "I'm gonna have some big life with that girl." Ever the skeptic, I'd fire back that she's a year older (this is high school remember) and doesn't even know your name. You don't have it. But he'd just go right in, trying to make a big play. Most of the time he did and more power to him. But he truly shined when he just didn't have it. The reason: QFS.

When he didn't have it, our three favorite letters were always right there with him. After a defeat, he'd come back and I would be thinking about how bad he just got killed. I'd tell him, "yo that's rough that she killed you like that." Most guys, even those experienced in the Stain Club arts would agree that he had been killed. Hard. Never my friend. He would turn around and tell me he had it with another girl. Once he had his post-quit strength, he was going to use it.

Recently, my friend broke up with his long-term girlfriend. Scary long-term. The kind of long-term where he knows what ring he's going to pick out. In short, the kind of long-term that doesn't exist at the Stain Club. Lately, things hadn't been going well and it was clear that he was losing strength. He didn't mope around and complain about his weakness. Instead, he dropped a QFS on 4 years like it was 4 minutes. But somethings never change... when I heard about it, I got in touch with him and said, "yo that's rough that everything just got killed." His response? "I'm strong, I just totally banged this girl who I knew I had it with for the past few months."

I want to warn everyone that not everyone has this natural ability. QFS, though our only defense against the Face, is never easy. But I'm going to try and break QFS down into a series of easy to remember steps so we can all try to live like my friend.

1. Realize your strength is fading.
2. Remember your only weapon is quitting.
3. Recognize that quitting allows you to keep your strength.
4. Remove yourself from her presence by any means necessary.
5. Regain your strength and live to fight another day.