The Cincinnati Post has a great deal of experience covering horrible Reds losses so, under normal circumstances, this article wouldn't warrant any mention on the Stain Club. However, I would like to direct your attention to the first paragraph, "Late in Wednesday's 7-2 loss to the Nationals, Reds pitching coach Dick Pole told interim manager Pete Mackanin that he could tell early that starter Bronson Arroyo just didn't have it."
It's only a matter of time until Cincy journalists start referencing Brandon Phillips propensity for going huge, Junior's injury stains, or Adam Dunn's desire to hit the BPAS on every 0-2 count. And you thought this was a Phillies blog.
Showing posts with label Influential Readership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Influential Readership. Show all posts
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Quit Down #2
Contrary to popular belief, we didn't quit on the Quit Down. It's back with new names but the same stains (which almost rhymes). Here we go.
5. The Cincinnati Reds
Let the firesale begin. Who wants home run hitters for 50 cents on the dollar? I wake up in the morning excited about the possibility of getting something for Griffey and Dunn. Currently there are 4 players I would not want the Reds to trade unless it was an overwhelming steal: Aaron Harang, Homer Bailey, Josh Hamilton, Brandon Phillips. It would have to be a trade so lopsided that if made in a Fantasy league it would be voted down unanimously. Does it worry me that a former crack addict made my top 4 list? Absolutely. But it bothers me even more that I can't find number 5 anywhere.
4. Some lake in the Andes Mountains
An unusually self-explanatory Quit here. One day there was a 100-ft deep lake. The next? Not so much. Here's the link.
If you look closely at the CNN link, you'll notice that they refer to it as a "missing" lake. Where do they think the lake will be found? This is not an attractive white girl who has been kidnapped.
3. The 2004 West Virginia Mountaineers football team
These are some serious fellows. Pac-Man Jones, Chris Henry, Quincy Wilson. They all love arrest warrants. I haven't checked with ESPN Stats Inc. but he has to hold the NFL record for most police encounters. Single season and career. Quincy Wilson recently became the elusive 10th Bengal arrested and joins a long line of bubble players who decide they don't want to bother with the practice squad this year. Being a lock for the imaginary 5th running back spot on the Bengals, he knew he had to lock in that 10th player arrested designation before his inevitable training camp cut. This will keep his name on ESPN way longer than getting cut the normal way would. A savvy PR move and I tip my hat to you and the entire 2004 Mountaineers squad for their impressive legal quits.
2. Liberal Arts colleges everywhere
Proudly carrying the QFS banner, Liberal Arts colleges across the country are quitting on US News and World Report's stupid college rankings. Why anyone pays attention to these rankings in the first place is beyond me. If US News ruled the world, we would rank baseball teams based on ticket sales and how many minor league prospects they keep for a whole year. Do they draft only a few players each year? Must be a good team. They're selective. Are their prospects highly touted coming out of high school? World Series here we come. Most significantly, US News would have all of the teams rate each other. Don't think a particular team is going to do well this year? Now that opinion counts for 25% of your final ranking. According to US News and World Report, the Yankees have won their 32nd consecutive World Series. Congratulations.
I applaud all of the colleges who have decided to QFS on US News and World Report. Obviously, college deans everywhere are reading the Stain Club. Truly, it is evidence of our influential readership.
1. Lawrence Small - Former Secretary of the Smithsonian
Mr. Small claims the number 1 spot, not on his own merits, but for how hard an independent review committee Quit on him in a report published yesterday. For those of you unaware, Mr. Small was the head of the Smithsonian since 2000. During that time, he took 70 weeks of vacation, spent an additional 64 days working at another job (for which he was paid over 5 million dollars), and had his annual pay doubled. Oh yeah, he leased two Pandas and brought them to the National Zoo. The report summary in the NY Times is an amazing read, but I'll offer up two quotes that drive home how stainy this guy is.
The first, from his deputy, Sheila Burke, addresses the report's finding that she also missed 400 days at work over the course of 7 years, “There is no suggestion in the report or by anyone else that at the end of the day I didn’t do my job. There is every indication that I am in fact an extraordinary individual with a very strong work ethic.” Actually, I think you missed the part where they suggested that you missed 400 days of work. And the second quote, “The mismatch between Mr. Small and the Institution appeared as early as the initial negotiations with Mr. Small when he made it clear that if he and his wife were not allowed to travel in first class, it would be a ‘deal breaker.’”
They should hire Charlie Manuel, Dusty Baker, and the entire cast of Bill Simmons' Atrocious GM Summit to run the place. Although, I would be worried about them trading away our Pandas (Pandas for Pat Burrell straight up?), I don't see how they could do any worse.
5. The Cincinnati Reds
Let the firesale begin. Who wants home run hitters for 50 cents on the dollar? I wake up in the morning excited about the possibility of getting something for Griffey and Dunn. Currently there are 4 players I would not want the Reds to trade unless it was an overwhelming steal: Aaron Harang, Homer Bailey, Josh Hamilton, Brandon Phillips. It would have to be a trade so lopsided that if made in a Fantasy league it would be voted down unanimously. Does it worry me that a former crack addict made my top 4 list? Absolutely. But it bothers me even more that I can't find number 5 anywhere.
4. Some lake in the Andes Mountains
An unusually self-explanatory Quit here. One day there was a 100-ft deep lake. The next? Not so much. Here's the link.
If you look closely at the CNN link, you'll notice that they refer to it as a "missing" lake. Where do they think the lake will be found? This is not an attractive white girl who has been kidnapped.
3. The 2004 West Virginia Mountaineers football team
These are some serious fellows. Pac-Man Jones, Chris Henry, Quincy Wilson. They all love arrest warrants. I haven't checked with ESPN Stats Inc. but he has to hold the NFL record for most police encounters. Single season and career. Quincy Wilson recently became the elusive 10th Bengal arrested and joins a long line of bubble players who decide they don't want to bother with the practice squad this year. Being a lock for the imaginary 5th running back spot on the Bengals, he knew he had to lock in that 10th player arrested designation before his inevitable training camp cut. This will keep his name on ESPN way longer than getting cut the normal way would. A savvy PR move and I tip my hat to you and the entire 2004 Mountaineers squad for their impressive legal quits.
2. Liberal Arts colleges everywhere
Proudly carrying the QFS banner, Liberal Arts colleges across the country are quitting on US News and World Report's stupid college rankings. Why anyone pays attention to these rankings in the first place is beyond me. If US News ruled the world, we would rank baseball teams based on ticket sales and how many minor league prospects they keep for a whole year. Do they draft only a few players each year? Must be a good team. They're selective. Are their prospects highly touted coming out of high school? World Series here we come. Most significantly, US News would have all of the teams rate each other. Don't think a particular team is going to do well this year? Now that opinion counts for 25% of your final ranking. According to US News and World Report, the Yankees have won their 32nd consecutive World Series. Congratulations.
I applaud all of the colleges who have decided to QFS on US News and World Report. Obviously, college deans everywhere are reading the Stain Club. Truly, it is evidence of our influential readership.
1. Lawrence Small - Former Secretary of the Smithsonian
Mr. Small claims the number 1 spot, not on his own merits, but for how hard an independent review committee Quit on him in a report published yesterday. For those of you unaware, Mr. Small was the head of the Smithsonian since 2000. During that time, he took 70 weeks of vacation, spent an additional 64 days working at another job (for which he was paid over 5 million dollars), and had his annual pay doubled. Oh yeah, he leased two Pandas and brought them to the National Zoo. The report summary in the NY Times is an amazing read, but I'll offer up two quotes that drive home how stainy this guy is.
The first, from his deputy, Sheila Burke, addresses the report's finding that she also missed 400 days at work over the course of 7 years, “There is no suggestion in the report or by anyone else that at the end of the day I didn’t do my job. There is every indication that I am in fact an extraordinary individual with a very strong work ethic.” Actually, I think you missed the part where they suggested that you missed 400 days of work. And the second quote, “The mismatch between Mr. Small and the Institution appeared as early as the initial negotiations with Mr. Small when he made it clear that if he and his wife were not allowed to travel in first class, it would be a ‘deal breaker.’”
They should hire Charlie Manuel, Dusty Baker, and the entire cast of Bill Simmons' Atrocious GM Summit to run the place. Although, I would be worried about them trading away our Pandas (Pandas for Pat Burrell straight up?), I don't see how they could do any worse.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Even Further Evidence of Our Influential Readership
Andrew Sullivan, welcome to the Big List. After my esteemed fellow stain Snacksy the Kid posted about DARPA and the soldier-enhancing technologies being investigated by various research teams, Sullivan waited four days and then posted a link to the very same article on his own blog. Presumably he felt four days was a long enough grace period to deny us our duly deserved hat tip.
Mr. Sullivan, I enjoy your blog and I respect the fact that you approach every issue with the intention of discovering your opinion on it, rather than settling for the party line. Even just being a conservative gay catholic blogger is pretty impressive in its independence and individualism. So please, in the spirit of this individualism, don't just try to pad your site traffic stats by linking to interesting things that we here at Stain Club took hours to meander around the internet and stumble across. I know we run an admirable blog over here, but I'm truly growing tired of all you coattail riders thinking there are shortcuts to glory. Of course, if you saw fit to send us a few (thousand) of your readers we might be able to avoid any embarrassment. Or you could just pay us to live.
Mr. Sullivan, I enjoy your blog and I respect the fact that you approach every issue with the intention of discovering your opinion on it, rather than settling for the party line. Even just being a conservative gay catholic blogger is pretty impressive in its independence and individualism. So please, in the spirit of this individualism, don't just try to pad your site traffic stats by linking to interesting things that we here at Stain Club took hours to meander around the internet and stumble across. I know we run an admirable blog over here, but I'm truly growing tired of all you coattail riders thinking there are shortcuts to glory. Of course, if you saw fit to send us a few (thousand) of your readers we might be able to avoid any embarrassment. Or you could just pay us to live.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Further Evidence of Our Influential Readership
Let's add Garrison Keillor to the big list. As attentive readers must have noticed, a few days ago I compared discrimination against gay people to discrimination against green-eyed people. Now here's Garrison Keillor, trying to explain his way out of an article that offended some people:
I'm not sure if you think you're clever, Mr. Keillor, but changing the color from green to brown doesn't fool me, and I doubt it fools my legions of readers. You owe me, and don't try to deny it. Thanks for reading us, but plagiarism isn't really acceptable. Perhaps if you mentioned Stain Club on "A Prairie Home Companion" we could call it even, but only if I see a large spike in our Midwest readership. Or you could just Pay Us To Live.
I live in a small world - the world of entertainment, musicians, writers - in which gayness is as common as having brown eyes.
I'm not sure if you think you're clever, Mr. Keillor, but changing the color from green to brown doesn't fool me, and I doubt it fools my legions of readers. You owe me, and don't try to deny it. Thanks for reading us, but plagiarism isn't really acceptable. Perhaps if you mentioned Stain Club on "A Prairie Home Companion" we could call it even, but only if I see a large spike in our Midwest readership. Or you could just Pay Us To Live.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Evidence of our Influential Readership
While reading the liberal blog MyDD I stumbled across incontrovertible evidence that Bill Clinton's former press secretary Mike McCurry is an avid reader of our humble blog. I can only assume this means that the Big Dog himself loves us. Here's the proof: while discussing the legacy of the Clinton administration Mr. McCurry (I can call you Mikey, can't I?) made the spectacular statement, "the record and legacy of the Clinton presidency is, dare I use the word, 'stain.' " Now, is it just me, or is it pretty clear that Mikey is using the word in the documented stainclub sense? In fact, I think he makes a pretty good point. Any man who had Clinton's charisma and successes in office yet somehow allowed himself to be defined by a blowjob or two from a floozy is no doubt deserving of the title "stain," especially when one of the primary reasons he is so defined was a stain on a blue dress. Don't worry about it, Mikey, I know I'm improving your vocabulary, and you're welcome. Say hello to the Stain in Chief for me, will you?
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