It's Really Not Just About Dogs

The Big Lead found a great piece by Terrence Moore of the Atlanta Journal Constitution critiques the argument of the plethora of Vick supporters who are advocating that he should not suffer any consequences over a "bunch of dogs," as Moore puts it. Such a blatantly simple and moronic stance overlooks the very fact that this prosecution is occurring because Ron Mexico broke the law, and apparently has been doing so at his residence for an absurd amount of time totaling to about 5 years.

Plumpy wrote a post on animal abuse a while back concerning Ladell's back-up and I would have to say that he couldn't agree more. No athlete should be above the law when it comes to such a serious offense, and sometimes our view of athletes on their respective fields of play, especially in this day and age, can make us forget that they are still human and are very much capable of horrendous actions and deeds.

A Few Good Links

In terms of the often polarizing debate on US foreign relations I rather like what this guy is saying. It is unfortunate that such thoughtful and moderate views are often lost in the media cacophony.

Bill Kristol is a hack. The sun will come out tomorrow. I'm sure you can think of other factual statements to add to that short list. Also, on page 3, you'll find that Stain Club's favored son, Keith Olbermann, will be moderating one of the Democratic debates. I love Olbermann for his rants and raves, but he's the wrong guy to host this sort of event. I would not be happy if Bill O'Reilly was in charge of a Republican debate and I think we can all agree on that.

Bill Simmons writes a good one about the NBA. I generally don't care about it, but I remember once upon a time we had the Big Four in sports. That number seems to be dropping rapidly.

Another stupid running back decided to open his idiot mouth and chime in on an ongoing investigation. According to dearest Emmitt, Vick's alleged participation in dogfighting, "Now, granted he might have been to a dogfight a time or two, maybe five times, maybe 20 times, may have bet some money" isn't relevant because "he's not the one you're after. He's not the one you're after, he's just the one whose going to take the fall -- publicly." Thanks Emmitt. I'm glad you're there to let us know that we should ignore the laws banning this sort of deplorable activity to let us know that somehow Vick isn't at fault. Are football agents around the country frantically calling their clients in an effort to teach them to say, "Dogfighting is a cruel and terrible crime, but..." before defending Vick? Apparently they need to. Right now Emmitt and Ladell Betts' backup are worse in my book than Vick. He is still innocent until proven guilty. These morons, on the other hand, don't think anything bad happened and that's despicable.

Edit: This one didn't make the original post, but all of us baseball loving Stain Clubbers would have been remiss not to include it. It's a fitting tribute to Hank Aaron, a man whose accomplishments in the face of adversity will be remembered as much more than a long held home run record

Also my apologies for all the Washington Post articles today.

6.25 Link Dump

--Lawrence Mauroney as Kool Aid on Facebook

--Jon Kitna's Guarantee Concerning the Lion's Record for the Upcoming Season

--The Future Evolution of Sports Bloggers

--An animal link that will please animal enthusiasts such as Plumpy and S.Q.

--A respectful tribute and numerous links concerning the sudden death of Rod Beck, the relief pitcher who pioneered the fu-manchu mustache and mullet combo, essentially paving the way for Sal Fasano

--Introducing the starting line-up for your all-time busts team

Quit Down #2

Contrary to popular belief, we didn't quit on the Quit Down. It's back with new names but the same stains (which almost rhymes). Here we go.

5. The Cincinnati Reds

Let the firesale begin. Who wants home run hitters for 50 cents on the dollar? I wake up in the morning excited about the possibility of getting something for Griffey and Dunn. Currently there are 4 players I would not want the Reds to trade unless it was an overwhelming steal: Aaron Harang, Homer Bailey, Josh Hamilton, Brandon Phillips. It would have to be a trade so lopsided that if made in a Fantasy league it would be voted down unanimously. Does it worry me that a former crack addict made my top 4 list? Absolutely. But it bothers me even more that I can't find number 5 anywhere.

4. Some lake in the Andes Mountains

An unusually self-explanatory Quit here. One day there was a 100-ft deep lake. The next? Not so much. Here's the link.

If you look closely at the CNN link, you'll notice that they refer to it as a "missing" lake. Where do they think the lake will be found? This is not an attractive white girl who has been kidnapped.

3. The 2004 West Virginia Mountaineers football team

These are some serious fellows. Pac-Man Jones, Chris Henry, Quincy Wilson. They all love arrest warrants. I haven't checked with ESPN Stats Inc. but he has to hold the NFL record for most police encounters. Single season and career. Quincy Wilson recently became the elusive 10th Bengal arrested and joins a long line of bubble players who decide they don't want to bother with the practice squad this year. Being a lock for the imaginary 5th running back spot on the Bengals, he knew he had to lock in that 10th player arrested designation before his inevitable training camp cut. This will keep his name on ESPN way longer than getting cut the normal way would. A savvy PR move and I tip my hat to you and the entire 2004 Mountaineers squad for their impressive legal quits.

2. Liberal Arts colleges everywhere

Proudly carrying the QFS banner, Liberal Arts colleges across the country are quitting on US News and World Report's stupid college rankings. Why anyone pays attention to these rankings in the first place is beyond me. If US News ruled the world, we would rank baseball teams based on ticket sales and how many minor league prospects they keep for a whole year. Do they draft only a few players each year? Must be a good team. They're selective. Are their prospects highly touted coming out of high school? World Series here we come. Most significantly, US News would have all of the teams rate each other. Don't think a particular team is going to do well this year? Now that opinion counts for 25% of your final ranking. According to US News and World Report, the Yankees have won their 32nd consecutive World Series. Congratulations.

I applaud all of the colleges who have decided to QFS on US News and World Report. Obviously, college deans everywhere are reading the Stain Club. Truly, it is evidence of our influential readership.

1. Lawrence Small - Former Secretary of the Smithsonian

Mr. Small claims the number 1 spot, not on his own merits, but for how hard an independent review committee Quit on him in a report published yesterday. For those of you unaware, Mr. Small was the head of the Smithsonian since 2000. During that time, he took 70 weeks of vacation, spent an additional 64 days working at another job (for which he was paid over 5 million dollars), and had his annual pay doubled. Oh yeah, he leased two Pandas and brought them to the National Zoo. The report summary in the NY Times is an amazing read, but I'll offer up two quotes that drive home how stainy this guy is.

The first, from his deputy, Sheila Burke, addresses the report's finding that she also missed 400 days at work over the course of 7 years, “There is no suggestion in the report or by anyone else that at the end of the day I didn’t do my job. There is every indication that I am in fact an extraordinary individual with a very strong work ethic.” Actually, I think you missed the part where they suggested that you missed 400 days of work. And the second quote, “The mismatch between Mr. Small and the Institution appeared as early as the initial negotiations with Mr. Small when he made it clear that if he and his wife were not allowed to travel in first class, it would be a ‘deal breaker.’”

They should hire Charlie Manuel, Dusty Baker, and the entire cast of Bill Simmons' Atrocious GM Summit to run the place. Although, I would be worried about them trading away our Pandas (Pandas for Pat Burrell straight up?), I don't see how they could do any worse.

Pure Opposites

So I’m going to go for two polar opposites in this post. First let’s start with one of my favorite comedy actors, and if I may say one of the top comedians today, Steve Carell returning to the Daily Show to promote his upcoming movie, Evan Almighty, which will hopefully be as hilarious as the trailer/commercial previews have shown. If that doesn’t satiate your need for Carell, check out the material here. A lot of it is pure gold, especially the old Even Steph(v)en clips from the glory days of the Daily Show.

This, on the other hand, is the anti-Steve Carell. A man on Jeopardy who has so little to offer, not only in terms of money to wager on the final question, but an actual educated guess for the final answer, that he embarrasses himself with this obscure Family Guy joke (For those of you who don’t know the joke, simply click on the Related videos after the clip ends). Remember kids, if you watch enough Family Guy, you too can make an ass of yourself on Jeopardy when you become a full-fledged joke of an adult.

Putting dinner in perspective

Here's a rather interesting article a friend sent me recently. To briefly summarize, the author takes it upon himself to hunt and eat common city animals and writes about it. He even goes so far to offer up the recipes he uses. Very strange but very interesting.

Buffalo vs. Lions vs. Alligators (Oh My!)

A video named Battle at Kruger with the most violence I have ever seen stuffed into an amateur nature video. Unlike the dog fights that Ron Mexico runs, this stuff happens for a reason, whether it is to prey on the weak for sustenance or defending a young, injured member of the group. Truly, nature at its best, and I'm sure Plumpy would approve (consider this a peace offering for demeaning Mr Palmer earlier this year).

Stainy Neglect

Despite rumors that we are a Phillies blog, our dearth of posting better reflects the Cincinnati Reds' play of late. This is stainy and unfortunate. Unfortunately, I don't have it. By it, I mean a clever post. However, I do have one of the best animal clips ever (excluding Planet Earth). Here it is.

For the record, the video is titled the Battle at Krugar, and is completely worthy of the name.

Robot controlled Camels

Two consecutive posts about animals? Looks like all you Stain Club readers are in luck. I tried to come up with something clever to write about this, but isn't the title incredibly self-explanatory. You take camels and put them under the control of robots. This is a great idea. Something an idiot like Ladell Betts' backup would never think of. Here's a picture.



In case you want to follow up on this amazing technological development.

Clinton Portis is an asshole

Usually I try to take a moderate position here on the Stain Club. I try and see both sides of the Iraq issue. I don't take it personally when Mitch stabs me in the back and slanders my beloved Carson Palmer (note: he's beloved in non-sexual man crush / football idol sort of way... but there wouldn't be anything wrong with it if that were another kind of love). But one topic is guaranteed to piss me off: animal abuse.

There's nothing right about this. Plain and simple. Don't think I'm going on a diatribe about animal drug testing, hunting, or the benefits of vegetarianism. Those are not my issues. My issue is going out and abusing defenseless animals for your sick twisted amusement. Anyone who doesn't recognize the slippery slope of animal abuse which could lead to other forms of abuse, including ones directed towards people is kidding themselves. Is it surprising that ole' Ronny Mexico is the guy who allegedly hosted and attended the dog-fights? I think not.

However, this isn't about our beloved choke artist Mike Vick, I'm willing to let the legal system play out before I outright condemn him. Clinton Portis, though, is willing to assume that he was hosting the dog fights. And he thinks that's okay. He says people should "mind their own business." Thanks Clinton. I'm glad you're now in charge of our nation's laws.

There are so many places I could go with his idiocy right now, but I'll simply say that Clinton Portis has a keen sense of history when it comes to the notion of letting someone do with their living "property" what they will.

Link to the story about the man who will henceforth only be referred to by me as Ladell Betts' backup.

Something a little lighter

Sometimes between Iraq and the Phillies rollercoaster, I like to throw in a piece of heart-warming news. This is particularly true when it concerns animals. In this case on of my favorite animals... the squirrel. While in high school I even wrote college applications essays about how I enjoyed watching the squirrels on my way to class (needless to say I did not get into any of those schools). Enjoy.

Smarter than the Average Bear

We have long thought of ourselves as the most intelligent organisms on this planet, and should continue to do so; however new evidence seems to indicate that the gap between us and other animals is not as wide as we had imagined.

I found an interesting article which may alter our views on animals which seem, at first glance, pretty stupid. Rats for instance may look fairly unintelligent, and you’d probably be right, but, they are intelligent enough to know when they don’t know the answer to a puzzle. Even animals we recognize as smart, like dolphins and apes, are proving their intelligence in ways not previously documented.

Weekday Stains

After sitting down and getting ready for my workday, I wrote up a quick list of topics I wanted to address here. However, those all went out the window when I heard about the Virginia Tech shootings. I'm sure there are roughly 6 million blog posts on the subject out there right now. I can't promise mine will be any different, but here goes nothing.

First off, it's a tragedy. This isn't shocking news to anyone so I won't belabor that point. To put it in perspective, the death toll nearly triples that of Columbine. I think a lot about how unfortunate it is. I'm not sure if this is normal, but it always gets me thinking about other tragedies. Rwanda, the Holocaust, deaths in Iraq, etc. That isn't to take anything away from the events today. It might be more comforting if it did. Instead, it only reminds me that it can and does become worse. One thing that I found really disappointing were the early comments out of the White House. While I understand one not quite isolated event should not widely distort long standing policies, but there are times when you can pass on hammering home a political point. Here's a transcript from Whitehouse.gov of Press Secretary Dana Perino's remarks, "Q: Dana, going back to Virginia Tech, what more does this White House think needs to be done as it relates to gun issues? The President says current laws need to be strengthened, anything beyond that -- you had a conference on school violence with guns -- what more needs to be done?

MS. PERINO: I would point you back to the fact that President, along with Secretary Spellings, hosted last October -- October 10, 2006 -- a conference on school gun violence after the Amish school shooting and the other shootings that had happened, because the tragedies are the ones that just collectively break America's heart and are ones that we deeply feel, because all of us can imagine what it would be like to have been at your own school, your own college, and to have something happen. And those of us who are parents, or brothers or sisters of people at the schools have to take that into consideration.

As far as policy, the President believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed. And certainly bringing a gun into a school dormitory and shooting -- I don't want to say numbers because I know that they're still trying to figure out many people were wounded and possibly killed, but obviously that would be against the law and something that someone should be held accountable for."

The right to bear arms is certainly a much debated issue in America. Some people argue for far more restrictions, others for far less. The question was somewhat loaded. I recognize all of this. And yet, I don't care. Give it a day. Talk about tragedy and the need for prayer more. The argument about gun ownership can wait. At least a day.

For better or worse, the media storm regarding the shootings will be incredible. I wish I was confident that it would stimulate debate about larger issues in our society. Whether we're dealing with gun ownership or what made this man do such horrible things, I'd like to see the media grapple with the issues. The far more likely result will be a detailed gripping play by play of the killings that brings us strong narrative but weak analysis. I hope to be proven wrong.

Looking back on the list of topics I jotted down, I realize how many of them dealt with my distaste for national media sources. From the recent Don Imus brouhaha (what a great and underused word that is), to the more every day emphasis on pitting one talking head against another, news isn't really news anymore. Arguably Don Imus was never fully news, but he was the unwitting inspiration for a lot of good media related thoughts.

It all started when I was sitting in a metro station talking to a friend about the Imus outburst. This friend is one of the nicest girls I know, but if you do something that she thinks is truly reprehensible (and this is not easy to do) she will call you on it in terms that could never be uncertain. Needless to say, she was pissed about Imus. Ever the promoter, I coyly referenced how S.Q. had blogged about it a little. Before I could mention I planned to chime in, she says, "I hate blogs. I never read them." Perhaps a little hurt, and certainly with my pride wounded I ask why. Her reply ran along the lines of, "it's hard enough to find objective news from major sources, so why would I waste my time reading blogs." That stung a little bit, but only because she had a point.

My response to this, which we didn't have time to discuss, was that I like blogs because people are more open about their biases. If you read the Stain Club, you know you're in store for some moderate to liberal discussion based on who you have posting on a given day. We're pretty up front about it. Until we "hire" a conservative columnist, or I find more time to ghost-write, we are not fair and balanced. I most enjoy the editorial page for the very same reason. It talks about events, but also what that person thinks. Through their openness, they encourage me to explore the issue and think critically. I read a great one by Robert Novak the other day on peace in the Middle East. And yes, I called him a hack in an earlier column. Despite that, I went in with an open mind and was pleasantly surprised. Whenever I compare that to the talking heads I find on 24 hour network news, I lose both the surprise and the pleasantness.

Here's an unconventional example. It's Geraldo vs. Bill O'Reilly. Raw is War. News is entertainment. Debate is shouting match. Sentence is short. You get the idea. Then every other news program out there is racing to match up talking head contestants to battle it out in the name of fair debate. There's no debate and you only get fairness when both sides have the same volume and willingness to interrupt the other. The result, invariably, can be reduced to white noise. Why can't they put one talking head on and ask them some questions, then another and ask them the same questions. To be completely fair, you could prevent talking head #2 from hearing what #1 said. Both could skew the news however they wanted and no one would complain that their position is being shouted down. Why don't they do this? Because its not entertaining. Here's another short sentence for you, News is Dead.

While we're staining about what's on tv these days, I want to point out something far more serious than the offspring of Crossfire. Maybe you've seen these, but they hit home like no ad I've seen before. Their website is Don't Almost Give. I plan to drop a more serious post that is devoted solely to this ad campaign later so we'll move on.

Lately I've been watching Planet Earth on Discovery Channel. It is incredible. That is all I can say about it. It can't come out on DVD soon enough. Watch it. Sundays at 8 on Discovery. You won't be disappointed. But that's not the real story. Yesterday, I watched the better part of an episode with one of my roommates. We were discussing the amazingness of the scenes before us and, ever the cynics, we wondered if perhaps some of the scenes had been set up. Something along the lines of "Oh look a swarm of piranhas... and here we have a big juicy dead fish... oh no it dropped in the river. I guess we have to film the feeding frenzy." That sort of thing. Then my roommate says, "it's like the myth about lemmings that Disney perpetuated." Now for those of you who don't know, lemmings are widely believed to have such a strong herd instinct that when one runs off a cliff, hundreds will follow right behind. This was even the inspiration for a cherished childhood video game. However, if you read further down the Lemmings article, you will notice the suicide myth entry. To briefly summarize, it details how Disney was making a nature "documentary" where Disney faked footage of lemmings running off a cliff in droves by throwing them over the edge. And so I will end with a familiar refrain... Hey Disney stop killing my childhood (and the lemmings).

Another heartwarming animal tale

Many of our loyal Stain Club readers have undoubtedly noticed I have a soft spot for touching stories about animals. This isn't quite on the same level as the tortoise and the hippo but it's a winner all the same.

For more traditional Stain Club mockery, let me recommend the comments at the bottom of the link. I find them quite hilarious.